Manic Motherhood at it's FINEST!!

Why "I am NOT a VOLCANO!"

Why "I am NOT a VOLCANO!"
click the volcano for the due explanation
"In all of living, have much fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured." — Gordon B. Hinckley
Exaggeration is the spice of life

Book I am Currently Reading: Peter and The Shadow Thief

Friday, February 5, 2010

John Donne, and a little bit of spirituality. Kind of out of character, I know...

(This is because tomorrow- Fast Sunday- is Something Silly for Sunday day, and I won't be blogging. So here it is.)

I'm not the mushiest of girls. I don't like cliche (too many years in creative writing classes.) I don't like sentiment. And whenever all the women were bawling and wiping their noses during Fast Sunday Testimony meetings, pausing for annoyingly long moments of time because they just couldn't speak through the tears, I was rolling my eyes. I hated fast Sundays, and I still hate them. (Except for the ones that Lilly or Mahone insist on bearing their testimonies. It's so cute to hear the things they believe in!)

I was raised LDS. I'm a Mormon. It's not just a religion, it's a lifestyle. A culture. I spent my life paying tithing and taking the sacrament, disrupting Sunday school classes, and making dinners for families who have just welcomed a baby.

Of course, I have a testimony. I don't believe the church is true. I know it is. I have had those epiphany moments in my life where I realized, with perfect clarity that it was right, and that this is where I wanted, and desperately needed to be. I remember them vividly, and I remember the clarity that followed.

You see, I do not weep, or feel a burning in my heart when I feel the spirit. Instead, I get giddy. I laugh. I talk very fast. I want to run and soar. Everything makes sense in my mind, like it's on a different plane. And if I were capable of writing it in essay form, everyone would know the truth. Because it would be proof.

Unfortunately, a testimony only sticks around if you are constantly nurturing it. It doesn't just disappear, of course- but it fades to just memories of those incredible feelings.

Okay. I suck. I have always been pretty good about praying with my children before bedtime. But we are wishy washy on our determination with Family Home Evenings, scripture studies and family prayers, or even official personal prayers (though I pray in my head on a regular basis) Not for lack of trying, though. We just don't have the gumption to keep it up.

This year, though, my new years resolutions were to have family and personal prayer every morning and night, to read the Book of Mormon each night with my children, and have family home evening every week. I also had a goal to read the old testament on my own this year- but I bombed out on that one. The others, I was, and am still determined to master them.

I think it's okay though, that I bombed the old testament, because all my other goals are going swimmingly. I figure, letting one go is okay because I am trying my hardest to do the rest of them with the best of intentions.

The thing is, I have been continually amazed at the level of reception I have gained in only one short month of making just a small amount of extra effort that I have been putting into nurturing my, and my children's testimonies. I don't want to give that up. I feel better. I feel the spirit in my heart more often, and I know that when i open my front door to step inside, it's there already. And it's because I have been trying.

I have mentioned before that I am an avid reader. I read books; novels, of course. But just as much, I crave poetry like I crave chocolate, the way I crave romance and thrills. In the last month, only one has continually demanded my attention.

This poem is one of my favorites. I have many favorites, but two of them are by the same man. John Donne started out a man-whore and then became a monk, and though he was celibate, he was still sensual and turned it into something spiritual. THIS is what makes ME weep:

Batter my heart, three-person'd God, for you
As yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend;
That I may rise and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend
Your force to break, blow, burn, and make me new.
I, like an usurp'd town to'another due,
Labor to'admit you, but oh, to no end;
Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,
But is captiv'd, and proves weak or untrue.
Yet dearly'I love you, and would be lov'd fain,
But am betroth'd unto your enemy;
Divorce me,'untie or break that knot again,
Take me to you, imprison me, for I,
Except you'enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.


Jennifer L said...

I went to an evangelical church a couple times and was just weirded out by the testimony portion of the youth service because I was raised Catholic and it was just awkward for me--and I couldn't help but feel that a couple of the people were doing some acting, like it was a odd spiritual competition.
I'm not a very religious person, I consider myself to be a spiritualist still seeking religious belief, but I do appreciate religious poetry because content wise it really doesn't get much deeper than that. I do a lot of writing (fiction, non-fiction, poetry) and somehow poetry, well good poetry, can express a lot more than just saying something.

Thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting on those lewd Tudors.

Casey said...

HI, I just wanted to let you know that I grabbed your button and I am now following your blog and your community on blogfrog! If you feel like reading my blog please visit! Your blog is wonderful and I wish I would have found it sooner!

Tiffany said...

You have a beautiful blog.

Shmonae said...

AHAH! I love that you get excited and laugh when you feel the spirit. I wish I was more like that but have to admit I can be disruptive even with my kids in sacrament. Sometimes I have to tickle them just for a comic relief... :) We are most definitely made to be friends!
I am so proud of you. A testimony is like a roller coaster. Unfortunately if you aren't working on it daily, it doesn't stay in the same slides. Bummer. It's like an escalator. If you don't keep walking up the stairs you will find yourself at the bottom
I am not preaching....I have learned this from personal experience!
There is s link to Sarah's blog at the bottom of the post "a mothers nightmare" that I wrote. Thanks for caring.

Annette Piper said...

You asked about the pink gems in my header bar - they are pink topaz. That is the way that I buy pre-drilled high quality gemstones - they are on a temporary string that is ended with silky tassels. The pink topaz in the photo are only 6x4mm rondelles and the whole strand is only 8 inches long. They're pretty though, aren't they!

Ginny Marie said...

Your post reminded me of a song; maybe you know it. It goes, "Every time I feel the Spirit, moving in my heart, I will pray! Yes, every time I feel the Spirit moving in my heart, I will pray!" I don't remember the verses, only the refrain!

Elizabeth said...

I am inspired... ahhh Resolutions revisited...

Violetstone said...

Hi, thanks for following my blog, I'm following yours now. A very interesting post and your bit about disrupting Sunday school reminds me of a story my mum told me. She was bought up in Idaho in the LDS church and spent many happy hours in Sunday school learning to wiggle her ears and making everyone crack up with laughter. :)

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