I HEART VALENTINES DAY!!!! (Touchy Topic Tuesday)

Touchy Topic Tuesday

Valentines Day, and Other Holidays- The Bitterness That Follows. 

I LOVE VALENTINES DAY!!! And isn't that all it's about? LOVE??? LOVE!!!! On top of that, I love St. Patrick's Day, Easter, Mother's Day, Father's Day, the Fourth of July, and so on- and all the ones I missed. All t he little holidays, like President's day, when my kids have the day off of school. Heck, I even love end of term holidays that only have to do with school. I LOVE holidays in all their forms.

I feel like Holidays break up the monotony of every day life. Today is Valentine's day. And for weeks, I have helped my kids create beautiful boxes to collect their valentines in. I have helped them write names on cards, and seal envelopes, and stuff them full of candy! Today, I curled Scarlet's hair, and sent Lilly to school with a lovely updo- something I don't usually MAKE time for before I send her off for a day of recess and other hair-destroying events. After today, we will settle back into our daily routine, until we're able to attend, very festively, the St. Patrick's Day parade, and after that, Easter, where we will happily, and joyfully both revel in our Savior's sacrifice and resurrection AS WELL AS have thrilling and wonderful Pagan inspired Easter Egg Hunts with our kids. The holidays give us something to look forward to!

And over the past weeks, I have seen an increasing bitterness about today's specific holiday. And it's NOT been from single people.

Believe it or not, though, today's controversial discussion ISN'T about Valentines day. It's about ALL holidays. For the last few weeks, several bitter individuals have spouted cynical quotes (on facebook) about how we shouldn't NEED one day out of the year to tell the people we love that we love them. In a few months, the same people will start making bitter accusations about Mother's day, and how we shouldn't need a  holiday to tell our mother's that we appreciate their efforts. Then will come Father's Day. And at the end of the year, they will both complain that Thanksgiving doesn't get it's fair attention and is overshaddowed by Christmas, as well as how we shouldn't NEED a specific day to be thankful- because we should be thankful EVERY day.

Along with all of this cynical, bitter complaining, there will be endless tirades about how overly commercialized it all is.

This really gets under my skin. EVERYONE KNOWS ALREADY that Christmas is over commercialized. And who the heck cares? If YOU don't want your Christmas to be commercialized, then don't buy your kid presents.  Personally, I LOVE buying gifts. And I overdo it with my kids. But that doesn't mean that my holiday (whatever holiday it might be) is ONLY about gifts.

Issues I have with this:

1. It's really just plain STUPID and utterly IGNORANT to think that people ACTUALLY think that a holiday, such as Valentine's Day, or Mother's Day, Father's Day or Thanksgiving is the ONLY day people tell their "valentine" that they love them, or their mother or father, or that they are thankful for all the blessings they have. I can see that in some cases, this may be true, but the MAJORITY of the BILLIONS of people on this planet to NOT ONLY say "Mom, I love you" on Mother's day. I'm 100% sure that the MAJORITY of people are thankful on a regular basis for their blessings. And the truth is, AS HUMANS, YES, the "natural" state of man is to be selfish, and we forget easily once our worries are settled. A reminder is nice. Not to mention, these specific people who are regularly and continually pessimistic about these wonderful reasons for celebrations will complain complain complain about having to buy their wife or children gifts....but how would they ACTUALLY feel if on THEIR day (Fathers/Mothers day) their children didn't do anything...because they shouldn't need a reason to. In MY mind, this is a cop out-  yeah, you don't NEED a reason to do it...but here you HAVE a reason to do it. It's not courteous to ignore it. What THAT says isn't that you feel you need to appreciate people every day- but that you don't appreciate them today.

2. Commercialism, like it or not, is GOOD FOR THE ECONOMY. Will it KILL you to buy a bunch of flowers and a box of chocolates for the one you love for 15.00, because that's "normal", "traditional" and "expected"? Rebel because you have to prove you can't be controlled by the scum that is America, or make someone smile and boost the economy as well. Your choice.

3. As Batman's great nemesis says so often "Why so serious?"- Seriously, though- GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE. Celebrate! Because it's FUN. Because it makes life worth living! Because it makes those around you happier when YOU are happier, and because it's a battle you can't win. There are far more important things to rage against. Focus your bitterness on something you CAN change- that's WORTH changing.


Now, I'll go ahead and admit that my delight in the commercialism of EVERYTHING probably has a lot to do with my love language- gifts.

Those of you who don't know about love languages will probably think that sheds a terrible light on me- that I'm worldly, and shallow and just want STUFF. I'll say this flat out: YOU ARE WRONG. My love language isn't about STUFF. It's not about money. My husband will sometimes bring me a handful of creamers (half and half) from restaurants he goes to for lunch- I LOVE creamers. But I don't drink coffee, and I don't buy them. They're also incredibly fattening. It didn't cost him much - if anything, and it's not a "worldly" thing. But it shows that he loves me because he knows what I like, what I have talked about, what I have DONE. He pays attention. (BTW, for Valentines day this year, he got me a pair of TOMS!!! It's something I've wanted for a long time, but wouldn't EVER buy for myself- because I always put everyone else's needs first. AND a massage, which isn't JUST a luxury- I really NEED one. Deep tissue. I got him a "Lex Luthor for President" t-shirt. Because he loves Lex. And he has joked about writing him in. LOL. See? It's about noticing the little things.)

I buy my children things when I REALLY want to show them love. (Not that there is ANY lack of hugs and kisses and snuggles or verbal "I love you"'s, but, once again, because it's my love LANGUAGE.) I  take great pride in knowing that so-and-so will love THIS thing. That pink is so-and-so's favorite color, and so-and-so has been talking about this book for AGES. It's about details. It's about paying attention.

So, I'm a bit biased.  But gifts and all aside (no gifts on St. Patty's Day, the Fourth of July, or Thanksgiving)- I still love holidays!!!

SO QUIT BRINGING PEOPLE'S SPIRITS DOWN WITH YOUR BITTERNESS AND PESSIMISM! Enjoy a holiday, for crying out loud!

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Let us know. What do YOU think about holidays? Commercialism? Etc? PLEASE, tell us!



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Touchy Topic Tuesday- Second Baby Showers (and beyond!)

**Please scroll down to enter the February Weekdaily Flash Giveaway!**

Touchy Topic Tuesday

Second Baby Showers (and beyond!)

Just this year, I have had nine friends become new mothers. Out of those nine, 7 of them are first time moms. 

Nearly all of them had baby showers. Some of them invited me, some lived too far away. 

Several months ago, I asked a friend of mine, who was having her second baby, if she were going to have a baby shower.  It was going to be a boy, and her first was a girl. She responded with an incredulous look on her face, "Why would I do that?! I already had one, and I have everything I need." I blinked back stupidly and then changed the subject. 

Still, this attitude bothers me. Now, it's not the first time I've encountered it. I discussed the situation in length during my two most recent pregnancies (birth boards are once again to blame.) 

I had a baby shower with my first- a girl. There was lunch, lots of friends, and presents wrapped in pink.

I had my second baby- a boy, in July just 15 months later. I had two lovely friends who, while on a girls night out for gellato one night, asked if I would like a baby shower. I knew very well that some people thought of this type of thing as inappropriate. People are "supposed" to have one baby shower, and then, supposedly, they have everything they could ever need, and from there on, no one is "obligated" to give them anything. So, I tried to be vague in my answer: "Well, I had one with Lilly, already...a party would be fun..." They exchanged glances, and the conversation turned. 

See, the thing is, I had hoped for a shower. First off, I HAD stuff...but things like the crib were still being used by my daughter, who was just 15 months old when my son was born. Also, though I had carefully washed and folded and tucked away all of Lilly's new born clothes, I was not having another girl. I literally didn't even have a single onesie to pass down to my new baby boy. It wasn't as though we were poor- we were doing fine. But getting ready for a baby is still expensive. I still went and threw it out of my mind. 

One night, though, one of the girls who had asked about the shower picked me up and we headed over to the other lady's house to pick her up for a movie night. As we drove up, I noted the dozens of cars lining the street. It was nearly July, so I figured someone was having a barbecue. Nice weather and all. But when we walked into her house, I heard the chorus of "surprise!" echo through her living room. Every woman from my church was there.  They had blue virgin pina coladas, and mini cheesecakes and presents galore! I wasn't expecting it, and it was wonderful! 

I didn't have any showers with my third or my fourth babies, and I wasn't expecting any. But, given the chance to have one, I wouldn't have turned it down. 

You see, my 3rd baby reused my oldest daughter's crib, and the carseat that the other two used. But she was born in January while my first was born in late spring. None of the clothes I had saved would fit her at the time she needed. 

With my 4th, well, pretty much everything needed to be replaced. Out of the two cribs we had, one ended up broken in a move, and the other had a drop side and had been recalled by the company that made it. The car seat that survived all of our previous 3 children in perfect shape, had expired. Our  exersaucer had sustained serious damage, and our swing had a short in it, so even replacing batteries didn't make it swing. On top of that, Teague was born in January, not July, like Mahone, so none of his clothes would work for the new  baby. We had to get new EVERYTHING. 

I found, in my lengthy birth-board conversations about baby showers, that first time moms were the ones who harbored the hostility for multiple baby showers. They felt that 

1. It's rude to ask for one. 

        I COMPLETELY AGREE!!!  But it's rude to ask anyone for a baby shower even if it's your first baby. However, I don't think it's wrong at all if, you mom or sister or friend or someone offers and asks if they can. In fact, I kind of think it's rude to shut them down. 

2. If you've had a baby already, you have everything you need. 

         There's a few problems with this. We've already discussed the issue, above, of the possibility of the opposite sex being born second (or third or fourth. I know plenty of moms who had, say, 3 girls and then out of the blue, a boy- they had PLENTY of girl stuff, and not a stitch of boy stuff!) and of babies, same sex or not, being born at opposite times of the year, when passed down clothes are not appropriate for the given seasons. I also think that first time moms look at pristine little outfits, sheets, socks, burp cloths, and furniture and don't understand the magnificent stains that can happen in a split second due to spit up and blowouts. They don't understand that, at some point or another, things will break. They see beautiful baby things, and imagine they will stay that way.

           Also, there seems to be an impression that all the gifts are big ol' things, and that the guests to your shower are going to surprise you with such wonderful things as a Pottery Barn crib, the changing table, a bouncer AND a swing, those awesome "travel sets" that include a stroller AND a carseat, the 80.00 sheet, bumper, quilt and mobile set you registered for, top of the line breast pumps, plus, a darling outfit per person. 

            The truth to this myth is that none of this will ever happen. I have 4 sets of parents- my parents and Brandon's 3 sets, and while they all spoiled us with cute clothes for our children, the "biggest" gift we received was a baby jogger from my mother- which was AWESOME! And Brandon's 4 aunts pulled together and bought us our first exersaucer. But there was no crib, or car seat, or stroller, and while I received sheets, they were not the designer ones from Babies R Us, they were a 3 pack from a regular store. PLEASE do NOT mistake this reality for me being ungrateful. As a matter of fact, I was very happy with those things. (I still use those very sheets on my now 1 year old's crib mattress nearly 7 years later!!!) I'm just saying that you can register all you want, but people are not going to buy you a 700.00 crib, they're not going to spend 80.00 on a top of the line swing,  or any other extravagant thing. Mostly, they'll bring cute outfits, bibs, blankets, butt paste, maybe some diapers, and shoes- because who do YOU know that can resist tiny size 0 shoes small enough to fit, the pair of them, in the palm of your 5 year old's hands. You can have 5 baby showers and, really, YOU will still end up buying all the "big" stuff. 

3. No one should feel obligated to bring you a gift a second time. 

          ...And....they should feel obligated to give you a gift the FIRST time? This is a stupid argument. No one should feel obligated to give you a gift PERIOD. This means that, first shower or 10th shower, if they don't like it, they don't have to come. Likewise, YOU should not EXPECT gifts. 

When it comes down to it, I feel like this: We don't tell our children "You had a birthday party when you turned one year old. You can never have a birthday party again. You already have everything you need, and we don't want anyone to ever feel obligated to give you anything." and we don't tell our second or beyond children "You can't EVER have a party because your older sibling already had a party, and you are just not as important as the first. You can have what your sibling had, because it's all we need." - baby showers work the same way, and I feel like every baby deserves a party. Even if you decide to  request that guests don't bring gifts, go for it and have a party. Enjoy your friends, and celebrate. But if someone offers to throw you a shower, take it! 

I can tell you one thing- when my sister and my sisters in law start having kids, I'm going to throw a shower for every single pregnancy. Because it's fun. It's fun for those throwing it, and it's fun for the mommy. And like I said earlier, EVERY baby deserves a celebration. 

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So, let us know how YOU feel about this. Is one shower enough? Or would you take another shower if given the option? Do you think it's selfish or rude to have a second shower? What is your opinion on the way baby-shower etiquette goes? (And scroll down to enter the flash giveaway! Ends tonight!)

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Touchy Topic Tuesday- Education vs Trade. Is a degree SO important?

Touchy Topic Tuesday

Education vs Trade: Is a degree SO important?

Months ago, I engaged in a facebook conversation about education now-a-days, how expensive it is, how those going to school now will spend the rest of their lives paying it off, and how sad it is that, despite it's impossibility to afford, it's so necessary that even a person with a physical TRADE skill can't get a job without it. 

I had intended to write this as today's Touchy Topic anyway, but, in googling the subject of Trade Skills vs. Education for blog fodder, I came across an article that encompasses EVERYTHING I intended to say about the education part anyway, and I feel the need to share it. 

"Education in America- Read the Fine Print talks about education being almost entirely out of reach for American middle class people, based on it's astronomical cost, and the problems that exist inside the educational system anyway- the things they AREN'T teaching, that we SHOULD be getting in order to be successful in THE WORLD.

On top of all that, I have further ideas to explore.

Back in the 80's, when I was raised, I recall multiple television shows and movies that continually made fun of college. Why would anyone go to college? It was a ludicrous idea to many people- at that time, Trade schools were booming, and people were learning valuable skills using hands-on techniques. Artisans. Those who worked in bakeries, who built buildings- stone masons, electricians, carpenters, contractors, and so on, people who built instruments, roads and many other things, were finding great opportunities and were widely respected.

By the time I graduated from high school, an explicit value was placed on college education. Well, SOME college education. A couple of years, maybe an associates degree or so was admired and hireable. Now, a decade later, there is so much value placed on education, that a person simply can't be hired without the maximum amount. Bachelors degree? Not good enough.

It's something that my husband and I have battled since we got married. I was 22 when we tied the knot, and I went to school for 3 years, goofed off a bit, and escaped with an Associates degree. My husband, at the time, didn't have a degree, but had his associates degree by the time he joined the United States Air Force a year after we got married. He was 23, and he was behind because of the two years he spent serving an LDS mission in Kingston, Jamaica.

The military promised free education, and was the main draw for us to join. What we didn't know was that they would leave him ZERO time to actually take classes. It wasn't until our 3rd year of active duty that he was able to enroll.

Upon our separation from the military, Brandon found it infinitely difficult to find a job. Due to his training and type of job WITH the military, he met all qualifications for jobs in leadership experience, working with hazardous materials, and so on. Most of the time, he exceeded the requirements. What he didn't have was a Bachelors degree. He spent two more years, under employed, working days going to school at night, and recently received his Bachelors degree.

We thought it would be easier for him to get hired now that he HAS the BS, AND two more years of experience. In two years, the requirements have jumped to a Masters, and requires even more experience. Disappointed, my husband has set his sights higher- to an MBA with an emphasis on advertising. Two more years and we should be set, right? Like, what are they going to do next? Add another degree? Triple the experience required? It's the end of the line.

Often, it feels like that light at the end of the tunnel is really just a train.

This isn't the first experience I've witnessed, though. My dad is a drywall contractor. He has been my whole life and throughout my childhood, he made an excellent living. He is actually quite the artist. My dad is a perfectionist, and what he does is always good work. On top of that, he can do anything. And that's not just a little girl goo-goo eyed for her perfect daddy. He really can. Tile, plumbing, welding, heat/air, appliances, carpet, remodeling, electronics- anything. You name it, he can do it, and he can do it, and well. Any engine hums happily after a visit to my dad. Yeah- he can fix your car too.

My dad has near FORTY YEARS of experience under his capable belt.

Just after I started college, my dad's company, where he was partner for over 20 years, paid employees, made an excellent, trusted name for himself, went out of business. He has struggled, since, to provide for my family- marrying off two girls and a son, paying for my brother's mission, and my youngest brother's diabetes, which happened right in the midst of his company going under.

Now, my dad is the best handyman West Jordan has EVER seen. He gets work by word of mouth, and does pretty decently. But he can't get licensed as a professional contractor the way he once was, nor can he be hired with another contracting company. Know why? Education. He doesn't have any.

My dad never went to college. After high school, my dad spent years as an apprentice, learning a TRADE.

Education for him is so expensive, and- get this- he makes too much money to qualify for government grants and student loans! Nevermind that he makes less money than my underemployed husband does. Nevermind that he has dependent children. It's so far out of his reach that it's hopeless to even try. And it becomes a vicious cycle.

Ivory Homes, a pretty big-time building company here in Utah- one my dad actually worked for before the creation of his business, Venture West, in his younger days, won't hire him, despite his excellent resume (he built most of the western Salt Lake Valley) and vast experience. The problem? Once again, the issue is my dad's lack of a degree. They would rather hire some 25 year old kid who spent the last 6 years sitting in a desk, getting his masters, who doesn't know a bazooka from a knife (don't worry, they're drywall tools), than they would my dad- who has no degree...but obviously knows what he's doing. I mean, if this were Hell's Kitchen, my dad would win.

Heck, even home owners are getting picky about it all- they, too, would rather hire someone based on college education as opposed to experience and referral- since that's all the business my dad gets is word of mouth.

Now, this isn't just all about me and it's not, by any means, a pity party. We're all happy, and we're on our feet, and we're making it just fine. But I know there are others out there. In the first job Brandon worked when we moved out here to Utah after the military, he met more than a handful of welders and carpenters and electricians who are in the same boat as my dad.

And we come back to the question: Is it REALLY that necessary in ALL cases? A surgeon? You bet, if I am about be operated on, I want to know that my doctor spent hours in classrooms learning all about my body and it's organs and functions so that, when he gets in there, knows how to fix it and put it back. A teacher? Uh, yeah. I want to know that the person who is teaching a subject to ME has actually spent time studying the subject. But some of these hands on jobs, these artisan trades, are only perfected through experiencing them. Through labor and apprenticeship. It doesn't matter how many years you spend in a desk, reading a book, doing math problems...there's a huge difference in knowing, in theory, how to weld a pipe, than there is in doing it.

I am not by any means disparaging education. I actually find education VERY important. I expect all my children to go to college and get degrees that will help them support their families and give them satisfactory lifestyles. I don't think, at all, that some education could hurt my dad, and as absolutely brilliant as he is, he'd do very well with it. But, considering what he knows about his trade- and believe me, that's inside and out- he wouldn't use a lick of his education, really. At least not anything that he doesn't already know.  And it's getting more and more expensive every year. Kids fresh out of high school can't afford it now, how can a person of middle-age or beyond afford to go back to school when there is so much resting on their shoulders? And what the heck is wrong with people and businesses who can't recognize when education matters less than skill?

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What do you think? How do you feel about the cost of a decent, University level education these days? How do you feel about skill vs. degree? Do you feel that there is a time and a place, or is it really absolutely necessary for every person to have a high education? Are you or someone you know stuck in this same predicament?  Let us know!!!


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Touchy Topic Tuesday- The Breastfeeding Bond.

Touchy Topic Tuesday

The Breastfeeding Bond

Now, breastfeeding may very well be THE touchiest of Touchy Topics. And believe me, I could go on ALL.DAY.LONG about my opinions on the subject. And they're very STRONG opinions. But there are so many PARTS to the breastfeeding controversy. So, in this discussion, I don't want to hear about how wonderful breastfeeding is (sure, okay), or how every woman can do it (not true), or how it's your right to do it in public (debatable), how it's best for baby (again, debatable), their poop smells better (in what world does poop smell better?), prevents obesity (bull sh*t), makes you lose weight (actually, it made me fatter), and is natural (yeah, but...I won't go into it here.)- I don't want to debate ANY of those topics, so don't do it. Today, I want to talk about the "breastfeeding bond"

Go ahead. Google it. The breastfeeding "bond" is plastered all over everything- magazines, birth boards, parenting books, you know- everywhere. 

The idea is that mothers who breastfeed their babies build a strong bond that can't be broken. 

And I have to ask: As opposed to what? The bottle feeding mom who doesn't care about her baby? The bottle feeding mother, who, if Rumplestiltskin were still out collecting first  born babies, would be more likely to hand the little tyke over? 

Considering the pressure put on women to breastfeed, and the insistence that if you can't do it (yeah. Some people can't.) or, heaven forbid, you CHOOSE not to breastfeed, I really only see this as a guilt trip into doing it. And a terrible, insulting one at that. 

Now, before anyone judges this book by it's cover and decides that I'm one of "those" women, I want to make it clear that I am NOT anti-breastfeeding at all.  I breastfed 3 of my 4 babies for 4-5 months each- no, it's not 2 years, so, inevitably my kids will probably be sick constantly, obese, and stupid compared to their breastfed-til-kindergarten counterparts, but hey, it's a decent start. 

See, maybe it's just that I didn't breastfeed LONG enough...you know, like maybe that (almost creepy the way some women talk about it) unmatched bond kicks in at 6 months, or 9 months or so...or maybe it's just me, because when my milk dried up spontaneously (more on that another Tuesday) around 4 months postpartum, every single time, and I began giving my babies bottles and formula, I didn't notice a change in my "bond" with them. I didn't suddenly love them less because I couldn't breastfeed. I didn't suddenly favor a child who may have been breastfed longer. And when I suffered from a terrible infection after the birth of my 4th child, and wasn't able to breastfeed him beyond 2 weeks due to medication that not only got rid of my infection, but was also toxic to my baby (no breastfeeding) and it dried me up nearly over night, (Within 48 hours, I couldn't even pump a half ounce.) I didn't look at him and think "huh...I don't care about him nearly as much as I do my other babies....I just don't have the bond with him that I do the others..." As a matter of fact, I very devotedly held my sweet, fat baby in my arms, kissed his fluffy cheeks, and gazed into his big blue eyes. Every 3 hours. Every day. Every night. 

You see, my baby, though he wasn't sucking on one of my body parts, was still getting the same skin on skin contact (kisses, stroking his little cheeks with my fingertips, rubbing noses, and so on), the same quiet time snuggled with mommy. We cuddled and cooed and kissed and got all drooly just as much with our bottle time as my previous children did with my breastfeeding time. 

On top of all of that, what, exactly are people saying about women who adopt their  children and cannot breastfeed them? That, since they don't do that, they will never be able to achieve the max level of parenthood? The ultimate  level of  love for their child? How absolutely horrible an accusation!  And to be honest, I find it a perfect personal insult from anyone  at all who might insinuate that their bond with their child is better (you know, thus insinuating that they are a better, more loving, closer parent than I am) than mine is because they breastfed. It becomes very mommier-than-thou, and I think it's time someone called BS on it. 

Tell me how you feel about this whole thing. What "bond" have you experienced? Remember, this isn't about being for or against breastfeeding. I assume we're just all "pro feeding"- it's about this claimed "bond" that breastfeeding mothers have that bottlefeeding mothers apparently don't. Please, chime in!

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TTT- Jubilee duggar's controversial pictures

Touchy Topic Tuesday

The Duggar Family's Controversial Photos

Of Sillborn Baby Girl

In November, many will remember that the Duggar Family announced their 20th pregnancy. The Duggars, in and of themselves, are controversy enough, but more controversy surrounded the pregnancy due to the size of their family, the complications present in her 19th pregnancy, and Michelle's age- she's 45. Still more controversy followed when, at 19 weeks along, Michelle went to a doctors appointment, and realized that there was no heartbeat. A sad, yet common occurrence for many women. 

But that isn't the controversial part. A little over a week later, a memorial ceremony was held for the 19 week old girl they named "Jubilee Shalom Duggar", where photos were shown that created a heated stir among the internet fans and haters. (Photos can be seen at the link provided above.) 

One photo showed Michelle holding Jubilee's tiny hand on the tip of her finger, and one photo where Michelle is holding her baby's two tiny feet between two fingers- with a caption that reads: "There is no foot too small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world."

It seems that many people feel that the memorial service and the photos are a cry for attention. A big old "look at me, look at me", if you will. 

The way I feel about it is pretty short, and sweet, if you don't mind a strong opinion: 

1. Who the heck cares if they have a whole bunch of kids? It's no one's business. They are a debt free family, their kids are well fed, well cared for, and have the love, shelter, and things they need. So what do you care if they have a lot? None of it rests on your shoulders. On top of that, it isn't JUST a personal decision they had made to have a bunch of kids. I'm sure a big part of it IS a personal decision, but it is also a religious decision- and unlike most of America, the Duggars are not a family that dabbles their fingers in religion on Sunday, and forget it the rest of the week. They live their religion on a daily basis. Not many people understand this conviction, and most people fear what they don't understand. 

2. A lot of women have complications in pregnancy. Probably more women than half. It isn't okay to tell a mother of one that since she has had complications with her pregnancy in the past that she should not have another child. It's cruel, tactless, and incredibly unethical. It is no less  cruel, tactless, or unethical to tell a woman who has 19 children that she shouldn't have another child because of past complications. 

3. Michelle Duggar is 45. Why is this controversial? I just don't get it. In Hollywood, actress by the score have baby after baby via invitro fertilization, some of them much older than 45, and that's okay? No one finds THAT controversial? If the problem, again, is because she has so many children already, people need to rub their nose in their OWN crap, not hers. Because it's none of their business. 

4. I do not see why it is such a bad thing for the Duggars to mourn their baby. Having many children does not make it easier for a parent to lose one. Believe it or not, it's not like a gumball machine- you put your quarters in, and get a handful, but one falls on the ground, and you can't eat it. Oops. Bummer. Moving on. SOME of us find life, no matter how many lives there already are, very VERY sacred. Including this sweet baby who only graced the world for 19 weeks. For that 19 weeks, she made, at the very least, 21 people very happy. THAT says something big. It is not unlike those who told me to just be happy with the three I have after long months and a chemical pregnancy when trying to have my 4th child. I took it as a personal insult. And, I still feel, rightly so. 

5. As far as the pictures go, if people are heartbroken by them, then they have eyelids. They can close their eyes or turn their heads, or find a different website to read. Jubilee's family, though, may be very comforted by them- it might solidify her realness. It might bring closure to their hearts. 

Once, on my birth board with Teague (of COURSE it was a birth board!!!) a woman who had suffered through morning sickness with us, celebrated the discovery of her baby being a girl, and then, when she needed us most at 26 weeks when she suffered a late miscarriage, many turned against her and behaved very cruelly when she posted a newspaper article about her baby's funeral service. Many women there said it was "a waste of money" for a funeral for a baby that never lived, and some even refused to call her daughter a baby, but instead referred to her as simply "the fetus". One woman said, and I quote- "It's sad, but it happens. You have to get over it, and stop wallowing." I was horrified and heartbroken for this mourning mother. She was reaching out for support and hope and comfort, and women who should have been there for her, who still held their babies safe within their bellies, told her things that they would have been sick to hear about their own child. Of course, I was happy to see that more people DID offer her the support she needed, but the idea that the baby wasn't worth the time and effort of a funeral, a memorial, or pictures because a deceased child is "creepy", is what I imagine to be one of the most WICKED misconceptions that a human can invent. Any baby is WORTH much more than that. A baby who has lost the battle for life is STILL the sweet, very loved baby it was in life to a mother who has lost it. 

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So, how do YOU guys feel about this situation? Is it creepy? Is it attention seeking? Or do people need to chill out and let the Duggars mourn in a way that they feel will let them heal? Do they have any less right to sadness because they have a lot of children? Do you CARE that they have so many? And why? 

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Touchy Topic Tuesday- Skeleton Santa Nailed to Cross: Freedom of Speech?

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More giveaways coming soon! Check back with me on Friday for Friday's Flash Giveaway, and a SUPER darling "I caught Santa" giveaway, as well as a new children's book review and giveaway! Lots coming up! You're going to love it!!!

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Touchy Topic Tuesday: Skeleton Santa Nailed to Cross: Freedom of Speech?

Last week, I read  this article Atheists Display Skeleton Santa Nailed to a Cross on MSN.

In short, the article is talking about how an Atheist mother and her son put a Halloween skeleton dressed in a Santa Suit up on a Courthouse lawn- the catch? He's nailed to a cross.

Of course, it's appearance immediately stirred discussion about Freedom of Speech.

Some say it's a work of art, representing the turn of Christmas from love and family and Faith to commercialism and greed.

Others see it as a personal offense on Christians themselves. In fact, quickly after the skeleton was displayed, one woman dismantled it because she thought it was offensive and crass.

Me? I agree- offensive and crass, for sure- and, I also believe it was INTENDED to be offensive and crass, rather than a social commentary made by someone who was deeply hurt by the over abundance of commercialism amid a holiday meant to be religiously based.

You see, the people who put it up were Atheists. This matters, incredibly, because the very definition of Atheist is a person who does not believe in a God or a religion to any degree. Atheists, IF they celebrate Christmas (and I imagine that most of them do, since it's just such a prominent holiday throughout the world and celebrated my many, MANY religions, including many of them that aren't even Christian at all.) do not celebrate it for the reason of Christ's birth. They very well may celebrate it in the spirit of love and family and generosity, but it is not, IN ANY WAY, a religious celebration for them, and therefore, would really mostly be based ON the very commercialism this pair is commenting on.

The problem I have with this speaking out is not that there is a skeleton Santa. I DO agree that, in many cases, commercialism rules Christmas (I am actually okay with that, but it will be discussed in next week's Touchy Topic Tuesday)  and you find commentary on this EVERYWHERE you look. However, I find it distasteful that a pair of people who do not believe in a God or a religion, or least of all Christ, who this holiday is entirely ABOUT, feel the need to lecture those of us who DO celebrate Christmas because of our deep seated religions, and to tell us that we are doing it incorrectly, that our hearts are not in the right place, nevermind that they, themselves, are not celebrating it for "the right reasons."  They don't have a rotted soap box to even stand on.

I am a big supporter of Freedom of Speech. Which is why, if it were me, I would ignore the thing, and walk away. Having a belief in the FoS, though, does not mean I can't have an opinion. When it comes down to it, if they're going to ban religious Nativities because they're "unconstitutional", and force religious opinions on those who do not desire them, then something like this should not be allowed either. Because it's religious commentary in addition to being social commentary. And if I, as a Christian am denied the right, then that same right should not be  handed to someone else simply because they are NOT Christian.


How do YOU feel about this "Christmas" display? What would you do? How would you react, and how would you explain this to a child?



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Touchy Topic Tuesday- "Everyone's a Winner"

Touchy Topic Tuesday

"Everyone's a Winner"

About two weeks ago, my oldest daughter, Lilly, won an award for this year's Reflections contest at school. As it seems it ALWAYS is, the topic was "Diversity."

Lilly wrote a story about a girl named Rosabel who left her stove on so her house burned down. (I know- morbid, right? But it was her story, not mine, and I didn't want to interfere, so it is what it is.) Anyway, Rosabel's house had only pink flowers. In her search for a new house, Rosabel came across houses with blue, yellow, purple or red flowers, but not pink. At last, she found a house with all different colors of flowers, and learned to love the diversity in them. Lilly gets to send her story on to the state competition, and the principal had her read it out lout at the awards ceremony.

Of course, I was a very proud mama. And, of course, the minute we got home, I announced her success in my Facebook status. Dozens of "like"s and 18 very supportive comments later, a man I went to high school with posted the following:

"Awards seem tempting at first but are ultimately more damaging to everyone involved. I wish our society wasn't preoccupied with them. It took me 30 years to figure this out.

"And yet I am constantly confronted by the farce that is 'academia' only, ironically, because I value the knowledge and the collaborative ideas of the science that is only there while despising the honor thereof."

I replied, saying "I don't know. I think awards are healthy. What I think is damaging is when everyone wins. That's not how life works. People lose sometimes. It's damaging to teach our children that there's no competition. Our whole lives are competition."

To that, the man replied "Obviously, the notion of reward, instead of award, is very deep.

"Academy awards and Nobel Prizes sound very chic and special, but only perhaps because they attune us to our indigenous predisposition for worship of ourselves or our heroes. It is this enmity, this belief in impossible superhuman ability in others that is damaging. All your kid will ever remember is that he never will be superman. (ME HERE: this line is specifically regarding my mention of Mahone, who entered but did not win the award.)

"I know this because I was the kid who never won anything. I never got good grades in school, was never recognized, but was taught by my elders and peers to seek after awards. Every single one of my 7 siblings each fulfilled an august gamut of scholastic recognition, including invitations to honor orchestras, student of the month and other such nonsense. when the time came for my coming of age, the oversight was abrupt and the unspoken tradition fell flat before me. I felt this very keenly. My brothers and sister sang in the elite choirs and acted leading roles in plays, set athletic records and collected diverse state-level accolades. I only wish I knew then whaat I know now. I suppose some people will never learn and that is a solemn tragedy.

"Awards in themselves are shallow artifacts made of cheap moral foil that are given subjectively, often unfairly, and disproportionately used to justify entitlement, nobility, intelligence, creativity, beauty, exceptionality, quality or worth. They are false, extrinsic trinkets that venerate the work of a few winners, while the rest are passed over in broken silence--their effort and their travail unheeded.

"I hope that I can teach my children to never evaluate themselves against an arbitrary awards scale, to respect them because society does, but never judge themselves or other by them."

(You remember how I once mentioned that I must have a sign across my forehead that says "I enjoy listening to your controversial opinions? Please, let me have it? Well, here is proof. I, in my excitement for my daughter, share her story on Facebook, and get a lecture about how not only am I superficial, and am ruining my child by letting her be proud of herself for winning an award, but also, I am ruining my son because I subjected him to a contest he didn't win....hm.)

Now, never one to let someone demean my children and then have the last word, I, of course, responded in a very mama-bear manner that will not be posted here. (Mainly because I am about to discuss all the points I touched on anyway.)

What I believe in most is good sportsmanship. Upon winning her trophy, Lilly posed, smiling, for photos with the principal, and, seeing Mahone's disappointment at not winning a trophy himself, handed hers over for him to hold for the remainder of the ceremony. Lilly did not gloat, she did not rub it in or make him feel worse about not winning. Instead, she helped her brother feel better.

Likewise, I believe that it doesn't always have to be about ME (or them, as it were.) It doesn't matter if you feel slighted or if you did not do as well as you had hoped. If you have a friend or family member that is being celebrated, you suck it up, and you make their special day live up to it's potential. It doesn't matter if your younger sister is getting married before you. It doesn't matter if your brother's wife is having a baby shower and you are having trouble conceiving. It doesn't matter if your best friend got the lead in the play - the part YOU wanted. You have NO RIGHT to take their success and joy away from them by acting like a put upon baby. It is ridiculous for anyone to think that their sorrow is so vast that those who have reason to be happy and celebrate should tone it down or walk on egg shells. Mahone, through his sadness, and with a bit of prodding from me- but let's cut him some slack, he's five- was able to hug his sister and tell her congratulations. She had done a good job.

There was NO WAY I was going to take Lilly's deserved recognition away to save her brother from disappointment. Disappointment, in the real world, happens daily. At some point, a person will need to learn to deal with it. I, personally, prefer to confront that probability head on, as it comes, so that my child is able to cope in a healthy manner both while I am able to stand beside them and help where they need it, and when I am no longer here, and they must face the dismal scene on their own.

A few months back, I was involved in a discussion with a friend of mine who happens to be a high school drama teacher. She was saying that her choice of musical for the year had been rejected by the principal because there weren't enough leads. The school she teaches at will only support performances that have like-sized speaking parts for all characters.

Do you find that shocking? I do. When I was in high school, we auditioned for parts, and if we got one, great, if we didn't, too bad. I'm not going to go ahead and say it was fair- there was a large amount of politics involved in the choosing of students for parts, and it wasn't always fair, and I, feeling that I deserved roles that I did not receive, faced disappointment. And that's the way it was. The same process went for all sports, cheer leading, and other clubs and extracurricular activities.

Want to know what's even MORE shocking? The reason the principal refused to allow a play with few large roles is not because of the kids- it was because of the amount of PARENTS who, in the past, had called the school and DEMANDED that their child be given a part! Honestly, I find it appalling.

The fact of the matter IS, this is how life WORKS. We are here to teach our children that! We are SUPPOSED to help them navigate the waters of disappointment in a healthy way- not protect them from every tiny unfairness! You see, for months, my husband has interviewed for jobs he was well qualified for, and for months they were given to other people. I do know for a fact that some of those jobs were given unjustly. But Brandon's mother can't just call into the office for him and demand that he be given the promotion he deserves. Brandon cannot call and tell them that this is unfair, they had better give him this job. Sounds ludicrous, doesn't it? Well, so is this generation's idea that we must protect our children from everything- everyone wins, or no one does.

When I was in third grade, I was involved in a machine pitch baseball team. And I've got to be honest, here- I was a real bonehead about the sport. At practice, I'd sit in the outfield and pull up grass with my cleats. I couldn't hit to save my life- in fact, I got hit by the ball on several occasions, and most of the time, I just stood around, punching my mitt with my tiny fist. But my team mates and I DID keep score. None of the coaches did, though, and my particular coach was a great, supportive man with a winning smile and praise for everyone- even the head-and-shoulders-shorter-than-everyone-else girl who couldn't run, hit, or catch. (And really, at the ripe old age of 8, I appreciated that, because there has to be a balance. I was a kid. I did NOT need quite the competition of a high school baseball team- however, I would lose respect for any coach who, fearing to hurt a 16 year old's feelings, kept a kid on the team who sucked at the game as badly as I did.) While I was terrible, the boy on my team, for their age, were fantastic! It so happened that out of the whole season, we lost only two games.

At the end of the season, every child who ever donned a "Utah Parks and Recreations" t-shirt got a trophy. I felt two ways about this- "Ohhh! A shiny trophy!" and "Wait....everyone gets one?" I very specifically remember standing there in the spring rainstorm that happened that day, thinking that it was kind of lukewarm to have gotten that trophy. Symbolic, yes- a memento of a pretty fun season of baseball. BUT, it wasn't a source of pride or accomplishment because earned or not, everyone got one.

Everyone wins. Truly, I feel that this mentality is only setting our children up to fail. One must learn to deal with disappointment, mourn the loss/lack of success, and then move on and try again. Not everyone CAN win. In Lilly's case, only 5 students from each category get to move on to state level. There were over 90 submissions all together. SOME judgement had to happen. All 90 submissions could not go on, and even if they did, not all of the thousands of submissions from other students in other schools could win either. In a play, not everyone can be the lead. And not everyone can be given the job that only one person is needed for.

So, what do you think? Exactly how far should we protect our children? When does it stop? Would YOU call the school and demand that your child's teacher change his grade or give him a place on the football team? If you would, how, exactly, do you justify that mentality? Please tell us how you feel!

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For a small bit of humor, this School answering machine was taken from an Australian High School where such issues were a big problem. It's funny, but it's real, and they have a point.

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Thankfulness Project, Day 22, Touchy Topic Tuesday: My Parenting Style Is Better Than Yours!!!!

Thankfulness Project, Day 22

November 22, 2011, Tuesday

I'm so very thankful for snow- soft, tiny bits of clouds that spread a silent white blanket over sleeping cities so that we can wake to a winter wonderland. Well...that and steam fresh pasta. 5 minutes to a meal my kids will eat.

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Touchy Topic Tuesday:

I'm Right and You're Wrong. MY parenting is better than YOUR parenting!

If you know me at all, you know I have strong opinions. I have a certain way I do things, and I want to be left to do them that way.

Generally speaking, I have a strict "no judgement" policy for myself. I don't judge moms in the store whose kids are throwing fits, or whose 5 year olds have pacifiers. Unless the guy full on beats his child in front of me, I don't assume that the father who, in line at checkout, tells his kid to stand THERE, don't TOUCH anything, and BE QUIET, is abusive, neglecting his child, or has otherwise, as one dad blogger put it "broke" his kid. (http://www.danoah.com/2010/09/you-just-broke-your-child.html) - BECAUSE I'VE BEEN THERE! I have been the mom with a normally sweet and well behaved child freaking out because she can't ride in the cart, or I told him he couldn't have that 22 dollar toy. I had a son who had his pacifier until he was almost 2 because we moved twice and his father spent 6 months away at a tech school in another state, and he took it hard and in the midst of it, I felt it was cruel to take away a source of comfort at the same time. And how the heck does someone know, when they've seen a parent and child for a total of 5 minutes, exactly what is going on? I'm sure there's a "perfect" mom's blog post out there about me and my kids because somewhere, in some line, after a long day and my kid (or multiple kids) simply WOULD NOT stop asking for something, even though I'd said "no" twelve times, and COULDN'T keep his hands off of EVERYTHING in the store, and absolutely REFUSED just stand there for TWO MORE MINUTES while I finished running a necessary errand. It's certainly easy for a dad who only has his kid every other weekend to have a bleeding heart about a little boy who "just wants a little ice cream." - Guess what? Parenthood, for MOST of us, isn't just a whole bunch of fun and games and excellent bonding experiences over chocolate vanilla twists with bubblegum on top. If a parent was hitting their child, would I call authorities? You bet. If someone was swearing profusely at their child or calling them extremely hurtful names, would I call authorities? You bet. But a swift spank on the bottom when a kid is out of line is NOT abuse, and while it's probably not appropriate, a mom shrieking "What's wrong with you!" when her kid knocks over an entire stack of oranges after she tells him calmly three times to PLEASE stay by the cart is also probably pretty innocent. The point is, you don't know ANYTHING from watching a parent for two isles in a store. There are hundreds of ways to correctly and effectively raise a healthy, successful child, and pretty much, if it's not your kid, it's not your business.

But I digress.

I am a fairly seasoned parent as far as infants go. I have successfully helped four of them survive past the newborn stage, and three of them are now in school. With every pregnancy, I obsessed over parenting articles, books, studies, procedures and so on. I pretty much have decided the best things for me and my family with my first child- everything I've read since has simply solidified my decisions. I have had epidurals with all four of my babies. I have ASKED for early induction with two of my children. I have had all of my babies sleeping through the night by 6 weeks. I vaccinate fully and on time. I give my babies pacifiers, and it doesn't bother me in the slightest that my oldest daughter sucks her thumb at night. I have breastfed some of my children, and I have not breastfed others. I believe the "family bed" is dangerous, and I put my babies on their backs to sleep in their own cribs. I feed them solids much earlier than is recommended, and I spank. I have circumcised both my boys and no, I don't think it is anything NEAR worthy of comparing to female circumcision.

Speaking of circumcision (no, this is not the topic today), a discussion on the matter is exactly what inspired my topic.

Now, it has come to my attention that, generally, when a mother (particularly those who participate in online parenting forums- you all know my trainwreck relationship with them.) feels strongly about a topic, anyone who has a different opinion on the subject is simply misinformed and, surely, if they had all the information, they would change their mind. Of course, that mother will inevitably feel that it is her duty to supply the information. If the mother she is trying to convince insists that she has read enough information and discussed the situation with her pediatrician (since, heaven forbid any parent make any decision at all without the consent of her child's doctor) and feels it is the best decision for her family, the dutiful mother will find ways to shoot down all the information the mother in question read, and also point out that doctors don't know everything, and that they prescribe medications and suggest formulas because they get kickbacks and favor mutilating surgeries such as circumcision for the simple fact that it makes them more money- so, in conclusion, a mother can't even trust a medical physician because they're out to get her AND her child. (And half of them think that there's a conspiracy doctors employ. They lecture regularly about not letting baby boy out of your sight lest the nurses circumcise him without your permission because they feel it's what's best. Having had to sign dozens of release forms and verbally give permission to several different people, I can assure you that's not true.) BUT, of course, if HER pediatrician supports her decision NOT to circumcise, he is, surely, enlightened.

Now, circumcision was the conversation that bloomed into this Touchy topic Tuesday and it wasn't the act itself. In fact, I guess one could say that it was ear piercing that really started the whole thing. Apparently, putting two tiny holes in a little girls ears without her express permission is mutilation, and irreparable, it seems. (Tell that to my ears that have been pierced three times!)

The conversation that happened is rather predictable, and in this case, doesn't matter much- at least not until the end.

You see, a good ten minute situation passed while the other mom tried to convince me that I had made a wrong choice. (Great friend, huh? Lets just try and convince a mom that she has permanently damaged her perfect baby boy, and leave her with the knowledge that there's nothing she can do about it, and that she was so devastatingly wrong that her child will never know what it's like to be complete. Sounds compassionate.) Such excellent words as "abusive" and "disgusting" and, believe it or not, "how could anyone who cares about their child DO something like that?"

Of course, I'm ever so much more eloquent when I write than when I speak, and I only ever think up the perfect comebacks AFTER someone behaves like a heathen to me. So I just sat there and let her say her piece, and when she finished, I just said "I would do it again. I just feel like this is the best decision I could make for my sons right now."

Before she turned on her heel and swaggered away, she told me "You know what your problem is, Brae? You just think your way is the right way, and you're usually wrong."

I cracked up right then and there, with my fat baby boy drooling and laughing right along with me.

What's so funny? SHE'S RIGHT!!!! At least in part. I DO think I'm right! But she's wrong too. I'm not usually wrong. Not when it comes to MY children. I have read as many studies and weighed as many decisions as she has- in fact, I've weighed more. Two more, to be precise.

I have heard it said before that moms who have older children think they have it all figured out and that they ignore new studies because they have been doing a certain thing for so long, they feel that "if it's not broke, don't fix it"- even if the new information means something healthier for their newer child.

In a sense, I agree- there was a lot of trial and error with my oldest child, but from there on, I had several more children very close together, and I sailed through. What I do with them works- they are happy, respectful, healthy children who, for the most part, get along with each other. And it's not like they're 15 years apart. I have four of them and my oldest is six. And, as I mentioned earlier, I re-researched everything with every pregnancy. And I'm not above change. I just sometimes think it's stupid. For example, when I was pregnant with Scarlet, the big BPA plastic scare was the big "thing." - I considered switching to glass bottles, and in the end, after studying many MANY official scientific studies, not stupid google scare tactic ridden articles by bloggers who know nothing, I settled on BPA free plastic. A good compromise. With Teague, the big issue was that new studies were apparently showing that the earlier you introduce solids, the more likely a child is to develop allergies to foods as well as obesity. Well....I used my own brain on this one and concluded that as far as obesity is concerned, it has more to do with WHAT and HOW MUCH a parent feeds their child throughout their whole life, as well as how much exercise a child gets, not how early they introduce solids. And it is my personal opinion that the opposite is true as far as allergies go. The United States is the only country that suggests longer waiting periods before introducing solids, and the United States has the highest number of food allergies among children. On every birth board, moms gasp angrily because grandma slipped baby a bit of bread while the family had dinner, or a taste of applesauce during snack time. Heaven forbid ice cream passes his lips before the exact moment of his first birthday. (Newsflash: dairy isn't poison, even before one year. No, I don't recommend giving your 6 month old a bottle of cows milk, but a bite of dad's ice cream once or twice isn't going to do so much as give your baby a stomach ache.) "OMG!!! Don't you know that giving my baby a strawberry before he's 5 will give him an allergy?!!!" - says a woman from a generation in which food allergies among children were rarely heard of, but who is the parent to a child from the generation that is riddled with food allergies. The difference? The older mother never worried about feeding her child foods he would be eating eventually anyway, and the younger mother is so terrified of everything she reads that she doesn't let her baby have anything but breastmilk until he's one year old or older. Heck, in India, peanut allergies are entirely unheard of, and they start feeding their babies table food almost immediately- table food that is almost always cooked in peanut oil. In America, we wait until they are two.

So, I feed my kids whatever I'm making for dinner, as soon as they look interested. And none of my kids have any allergies at all. Yeah, yeah, I know. Anecdotal evidence. Whatever. It's working for me. Why should I change it?

The glory in all of this is, while I refuse to acknowledge any other mother's accusations that I'm doing something wrong with my children, the fact that I'm right doesn't mean they're wrong.

I just don't want people who don't know me or my kids or what's going on to sit and tell me that I'm doing something wrong. When you spend 24 hours a day 7 days a week with my kids, and know them as well as I do- in and out, up and down, interests and disinterests, and everything in between, THEN you can make the parenting decisions.

What I want to know now is- What are YOU right about? What are YOU right about that everyone else is wrong about? At least when it comes to YOUR family, what are you doing right?

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Touchy Topic Tuesday- Airport Security Checks, Thankfulness Project, Day 8,

Thankfulness Project, Day 8

November 8, 2011, Tuesday

Today I am very thankful for my extended family.

1. My Dad, who somehow just seems to "get it" whenever I have an issue I have to discuss- never mind that, generally speaking, I just sit and talk, per my big fat motor mouth, and he nods and listens and smiles at opportune times when something I say rings in all too true. He's always there.

2. My mom, who knows when to let me have my space and do the "grown up" thing on my own, and when I need to be mothered, even though I'm almost 30. In so many ways, I want to be like her, and I'm not sure I can live up to it. But she's an excellent, compassionate, driven, and energetic example to me.

3 My brother, Biege, who is very easily my best friend. I wish I got to hang out with him more often. My blog would not work if it weren't for him, and he is my dictionary for random video game information- specifically so that I can understand the geek jokes he wears on his t-shirts.

4. My sister in law, Shalynn, who is amazing, supportive, gorgeous, and has a gift wrapping talent that kind of makes me jealous. I've called her, before, "the girl of my dreams" - she's as geeky as my brother, but you can't tell by looking at her. She fits into our family like she was born there, so much that I look back and can't really remember what it was like without her.

5. My sister, Bergan, because she always makes me feel wanted and appreciated. When I babysat her as a kid, I never really imagined we'd be close. But now we are, and it makes me so happy! I miss her sometimes. And I am always excited to see her.

6. My new brother in law, Spencer, who is as crazy as my brother, Biege, judging from all his firework stories, and is quietly funny. He loves my kids, tolerates them, even though they can be intense, and loves my sister even more. Like Shalynn, he just fits right in, like a piece of the puzzle.

7. My youngest brother, Bozton, who is another person I never thought I'd be close to, because he's so much younger than I am. But the gap has closed. He's talented in so many areas- he writes incredible poetry, and builds really weird, but strangely fascinating contraptions, and just has the creative heart of an inventor. He is going to be an engineer someday, and I'm glad. He'll do well at it.

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Touchy Topic Tuesday- Airport Security Checks

(And if you're irritated by my Christmas music before thanksgiving, please visit THIS TOUCHY TOPIC TUESDAY to give me a piece of your mind.)

As a kid, I flew on planes often. Back and forth to Arizona from Utah to visit my grandparents, to Disneyland, I was pretty used to planes and the procedures you followed to get through. And I was never afraid.

In my older years, I flew on multiple planes to get to Jamaica for my honeymoon, and from New Jersey several times back to Utah for weddings and visits to my family- several of those times with children.

Now a days, though, you'd be hard pressed to get me on a plane. Too much likelihood of dying.

So, every which way you look, every news channel, all over youtube and so on, people are talking about all the stuff going on over at the airport.

You know what I mean: Airport Security Checks. Are they ethical? Are they too invasive? Should they be done on children?

Well, here's my piece, and then you can feel free to flog me if you want.

Maybe it's because I'm not a terribly private person- I'm modest, but I'm not terribly private. I'm also a big believer in "necessity." Like, when I gave birth and there were half a dozen med school students looking wide eyed at the giant bloody mess that was my nether region and I just didn't care a lick. Or my inability to even feel a slight sense of bashfulness when I have to get my yearly exam from my doctor, or ask him "embarrassing" questions, the details of which I won't go into- for YOUR sake, not mine. BUT, I am 100% honest when I say, if I were to be randomly selected for a thorough search, I would have very VERY little problem standing there while the worker squeezed my boobs, my butt and everywhere else too. I have nothing to hide. I'm not going to act like I do. Furthermore, I understand that women check women now, and men check men. So, there wouldn't even be the uncomfortable question "is he poking that because he's a perv or because he thinks I have a machete hidden in my 34-B?"

I'm even going to go as far as to say that I would be happy to let them search my child. For one, kids aren't as dumb as most adults seem to think they are. And if I were to explain to my child, before hand, that when we go on a plane, it is important for the workers to make sure no one, even kids, have anything dangerous hidden in their clothes so that everyone on the plane can be kept safe, and that, while it is NOT okay for people to touch them inappropriately, this particular procedure is not meant to take advantage of them, but to keep them safe, I am one THOUSAND percent sure that my kids would say "okay." and know what to expect and never think of it again. I've had to have the EXACT same conversation with them when they go in for their yearly well child checks and the doctor has to check their private parts for proper development. I see no difference.

WHY would I be okay with that, you ask? I'll tell you: Because people who are willing to smuggle explosives, weapons, drugs, or any other dangerous thing, are usually not the kind of people who look at a little kid and say "Oh, poor innocent child, I think I'll give them a safe distance from me. Maybe I WON'T blow up this plane." - no, people who are going to do those things are not in high standing and are never above such things as using children for their immoral endeavors. You think I'm delusional? Watch the news for 5 minutes.

That being said, since these guidelines of x-ray vision that shows passengers, essentially naked (which I think, having seen the machines before, is quite the stretch of imagination. It's not like it shows you as a hot Victoria Secret model running around with explosives strapped to her thighs. It's black and white and pretty fuzzy unless there is something detected, which it shows in a brighter shade of gray or white.) so as to find dangerous items, and invasive pat downs, NOT ONE terrorist has been found by these people. Drugs? Yes, occasionally. But terrorists have never been found, and attempts on planes have still been discovered and, luckily thwarted. But the fact that they happened on the planes is testament that the process is not working. Terrorists made it past the gates.

The problem? Pat downs are "random". Workers are not allowed to profile. So, they see someone suspicious, they very well may pass them up if they match a profile they're not allowed to "attack", and go instead for the young mom with two kids hanging on her shirt.

At least in most videos I've watched, the workers have the grace to look sufficiently forlorn about their responsibility and embarrassed to boot.

My opinion here: Invasively search EVERYONE, or don't search ANYONE.

When it comes down to this, I just feel that, while we live in America, Land of the Free (or, more accurately, Land of "leave me alone. I'll do what I want, when I want, where I want, and you can't stop me because I could sue you.") we also live in a world where personal safety is something that other people (terrorists, rapists, murderers, drug dealers, and so on) don't take very seriously or care about. I would rather be patted down and have SOME semblance of security when I get on a plane than to just watch everyone board the plane on the honor system.

Now, we have two options here.

1. If you don't want to be patted down, don't ride a plane. (I won't in any near future. But not because of the pat downs. Because I hear more and more about plane crashes that have nothing to do with terrorists, and I'm not willing to die that way.) - which is pretty much how I see it.

or

2. No one gets checked, and if you don't want to risk the possibility of terrorists on your flight, don't fly.

I agree with either one. Specifically because either way- over security or no security, I won't be flying.

Now, of course, we see awful stories like THIS ONE that don't help TSA's cause in the slightest. But the risk is there: We know exactly what goes on when we want to board a plane. If you're not willing to risk it happening to you, don't get on a plane. Otherwise, realize that it's a possibility.

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Kay, discuss!!! Remember, though- behave yourself. Discussion and disagreements are fine, but foul language, mean or belittling comments, or name calling is not allowed, and comments with such will be deleted immediately.

Thanks!

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Touchy Topic Tuesday....or IS it?

Before reading on, please stop over at Mama-Press' Candy Cane Winter Catalog - my etsy store is in it (Right at the top!) and I am offering a really great deal on everything in my shop! Don't forget- all custom orders must be placed by December first to receive them by Christmas. Also, due to my increasing experience in the creation of these, I will be raising prices after the new year. It's a great time to order yours now!

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Hello, friends! Due to the fact that I spent all night trick or treating with two cute scarecrows, a jedi and a monkey, I did not have time to write any kind of decent Touchy Topic Tuesday. However, if you are in dire need of some controversial commentary, please click on Touchy Topic Tuesday to visit my many previous posts!

So, there may be no Touchy Topic today, but that's okay- it gives me a chance to explain my November project.

It's the month of Thanksgiving. Yeah. You know what that means. Thankfulness. I am not a fan of Thanksgiving itself, you know, the food and such. Turkey? Yuck. Not to mention the million pounds I seem to put on per ounce of food I take in. I DO, though, appreciate the SENTIMENT of Thanksgiving, and meeting up with family is always a wonderful day. That eases the pain of my most unloved holiday.

If you know me at all, and have been reading for any amount of time, you know that I'm a chronic whiner. I mean, really, whining is funny. It's what makes my blog my blog. It's the way I put things into perspective. (And if you know me like you should, that actually DOES make sense.) It has actually occurred to me that I might, at times, sound ungrateful. Despite my many problems (and, I mean, who DOESN'T have problems?) I have so many wonderful things to be thankful for.

And so, as many other bloggers and facebookers will probably do throughout this month, in addition to my regular posting schedule, I will post something that I'm thankful for that day.

Starting....wait for it......NOW!

Day 1. November 1st, 2011, Tuesday

I am thankful for a husband, who, despite how easy it would be for him to tell me to go get a job, works TWO full time jobs so that we can afford for me to stay home with our four children. It's a priority in MY life and HIS life for ME to raise OUR children, and while so many people look down on that decision and feel that I am not pulling my weight or feel sorry for my husband because he doesn't get much sleep, and he eats cold meals and doesn't get to be home much, then look at me and think that I must be selfish, high maintenance, or otherwise demanding, he knows the truth, and does his best to make sure we have what we need. Even if that sponsors some sacrifice.

I'd love to hear what YOU are thankful for! Let me know!

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