Manic Motherhood at it's FINEST!!

Why "I am NOT a VOLCANO!"

Why "I am NOT a VOLCANO!"
click the volcano for the due explanation
"In all of living, have much fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured." — Gordon B. Hinckley
Exaggeration is the spice of life

Book I am Currently Reading: Peter and The Shadow Thief

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Feel Good Friday, Letters Of Intent, and Dear So-and-so.

I know! I've been gone and haven't participated and my sitemeter has gone down from several hundred visits on average per day to around 30 per day- so whatever brilliant blogger told me that it was okay to take time off if you needed it, and that your followers would be waiting and watching patiently for your return didn't know what she was talking about. I've only been skipping a single post here and there for 2 weeks and MAN, my blog is suffering.
**Side note- for those who are thinking of becoming an ex follower, please don't. I've lost ever so many lately, due to heaven knows what- I sincerely hope that I didn't offend anyone- but I don't think you understand the major hit my self esteem takes when I see that my followers have dwindled. So keep following...or I'll hunt you down. ~Tries for a very very serious look~

Feel Good Friday-

Well, as many of you know, I helped out with a booth at a ren faire last Saturday (please see my wordless Wednesday for pics of my son in his kilt! So epically cute!) Of course, with the extremely depressing weather, I did awful, and didn't make any money at all!

However, I'm very excited because I have friends who have made appointments for me to take pictures of their lovely little girls as fairies for 30 bucks a sitting. (If you're in Utah and you're interested, send me a message!) This is very good news for me! It gives me both a little extra money as well as new models. I'm so excited about this, and I know that while many will read this and think it's soooo out of the ordinary 'Feel Good Friday" realm, it's just one of the things that has me happy lately.

Speaking of fairies, I want to share with you my latest capture- a little flower fairy- (flower fairies are a branch of the Dryad family and are bound in life and spirit to their flowers- more on this subject for Saturday at ) This one happens to be an apple blossom fairy. Can you spot her?

Also, Miss Scarlet Serafina Estelle has potty trained her own little butt. And I had nothing to do with it. I mean, besides putting her on the potty when she said "Haffa go baffoom!" YAY for independent kids and no more diapers! That being said, there is still the occasional wet mess. But it's only occasional. And she's doing so well! When she has gone an entire 2 weeks without a single accident, she gets to have her ears pierced. She changes her mind every day about the color of earrings she wants, but hey, she's into it.


Dear So and So...

Dear Readers-

Beware- some of this is TMI. If you're tired of reading my letters to my body about how it's failing me by failing to conceive, then maybe you'd better move on. But I'd prefer you stay and savor all the disgusting, dirty details with me. So fun, isn't it? To talk about our grown, hormonal bodies as though they were something perfectly blase, like the weather, or a Friday, or cheese? How lovely to be able to discuss the texture, color, and amount of cervical mucus we have, because, after all, it's something all women have in common...right?

~Sincerely, Not for the Faint of Heart.


Dear Head-

I am tired of feeling dizzy. I am tired of the almost- black outs, even after having eaten a good breakfast. The only other time this has ever happened to me was when I was anemic during pregnancy. Let that be a warning to you that this had better be what it is. Yes, I'm taking vitamins...but they're kids gummy vitamins as prenatals make me sick. So I'll start taking iron, you help me out by being a positive sign. Kay? Kay.

~Signed, Dizzy.


Dear Neck-

It would be so spectacularly awesome if you would stop hurting today. I KNOW we had a really terrible time sleeping last night and that we were cold and then hot and then cold and hot again, and that Scarlet cried 'cause she had to pee, and we had to wake Brandon and kick him out of bed when Mahone had to pee- but considering the fact that we're already exhausted, Head isn't helping, and we still have the rest of the day to face, don't you think you could cut me some slack today?

Thanks- Needs a Massage


Dear Boobs-

Yeah- you overgrown lumps of fat, you. You're still sore. Still. usually, by this point in my cycle, the tenderness is usually long gone by now. I mean, it's not like you're unbearable- just noticeable. Noticeable enough to make me depressingly optimistic. Don't disappoint this time.

~Cross My Heart


Dear Sciatic Nerve in my lower back-

Okay, well, I might really be over thinking this because it's never ever taken me this long to get pregnant and back in the day, when I used to get knocked up really easily, I wasn't aware that there really were other symptoms aside from morning sickness, which never kicks in for me until around week 6 or 7 or even 8.

Oh, ignorance really is bliss. Anyway, the girls over at BBC are telling me that lower back pain is a possible early sign of pregnancy. Well, I dearly hope so, because, just like later in my pregnancies when sciatica kicks in, I kind of feel like sticking a fork in there, and, much like Chef Louis does to the fish he is cooking on "The Little Mermaid", I want to put so much pressure on the fork that it bends and then spontaneously flings the nerve out into nowhere whilst straightening like some sort of trebuchet. (See video below at about :35 seconds)

Yes, my friend Sciatica. Cool it. Or you'll be dinner. (or, even if you don't, I'll settle for positive energy toward my baby making machine.)

Much love- the Chef


Dear Baby Making Machine: (AkA Uterus)

I cannot believe you are making me write to you AGAIN. Really? What is it, exactly, that you are not understanding. I'm impatient. I'm terrible at waiting. I want a baby and I want one now. So shape it up. The doc says you're perfect and look rather like you've never even housed a child, which, BTW, he said is a GOOD thing. It means you're young and fertile. So show me some fertility!!!

Love- I suppose saying "don't make me come in there" has lost it's flavor by now? How about this: You're about to get Pink Slipped.


Dear Ovaries:

I know you ovulated. Good job. At least someone around here is pulling their weight. I mean 2 days of pain is a small price to pay to know that there's a blessed spherical object soon to float down my fallopian tubes. 5 days of positive ovulation tests and a weeks worth of egg white cervical mucus confirmed my suspicions.

Keep up the good work.

Sincerely- I feel like a boss right now.


Dear Egg:


Signed- Sunny side up, Please- No more Scrambled.


Dear Brandon's Boys-

Swim straight and take your first left. Not that hard.

Signed: It's not me, it's you.


Dear Body as a collective single entity:

WE (Brandon and I) did it right. Did YOU?


Lourie said...

I find your letters to your body funny. And I am too much of a stalker to leave you. hehe. Maybe you should send a letter to the little swimmers to stop trying to fertilize red blood cells and white blood cells. They won't ask for directions.

*Jess* said...

Don't worry, I'm still around!

S.I.F. said...

Brae - You crack me up!! I really hope your body stops playing tricks on you though, I want you to have a bun in the oven!

Holly Renee said...

Ha!! I hope they are all listening! Do you think you are preggo? I sure hope so. That would be awesome!!

The JAMC Johnsons said...

I'm still here! I think this post was funny...and we all need to share a little TMI once in awhile, don't we?

Foursons said...

Wow, your body is either falling apart on you or you are pregnant. I hope it's the latter! Thanks for linking up and good luck!

Dana-from chaos to Grace said...

Well, and if it helps any at all, for some odd reason, I can follow a blog forever, and then suddenly it says I am NOT following anymore. Not sure why or what I'm doing wrong...but it constantly unfollows everyone.

Marice said...

wow good luck! i do really hope that its positive! :)

have a happy weekend!
u may view mine too here

Beth said...

Grabbed your meme button, your blog button, and clicked follow. Can I get an Amen? ... I mean a return visit? :)

Blessings on your attempts to conceive! At least trying is fun!

Anne said...

Still following, and still checking in when I can!

bigguysmama said...

I feel the same way as you about people who stop following or cancel their subscriptions. What am I doing wrong? What have I done to turn them away? Can we resolve this? Why don't they love me anymore? Waaah!! LOL I do take it personal. How can I not? Sorry about the poor turn out for the faire! Hope you get some good sitting with kid!

~Mimi @ Woven by Words from FGF

Anonymous said...

what a great sense of humor. Love the kilt picture too.

That has to be magical, photographing fairies. Best luck with the shoots.

Jess said...

I just found your blog via top blogs. Loving it already!

The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

I can't believe people stopped following. Maybe they just stopped blogging? I am sorry I don't get here very often. I have a hard time keeping up with my own blog, but will make it a point to visit more.

Your FGF post was completely appropriate! It is very cool that you are making money through your photos!!

Anonymous said...

HA! Oh man, finally visiting from Dear So & So, and I'm lol-ing. Hubby just asked what is up :-D Hope all the signs are true!

HD said...

Bahahahaha, that was funny Brae!!!
When you're due date, btw?

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