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Why "I am NOT a VOLCANO!"

Why "I am NOT a VOLCANO!"
click the volcano for the due explanation
"In all of living, have much fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured." — Gordon B. Hinckley
Exaggeration is the spice of life

Book I am Currently Reading: Peter and The Shadow Thief

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Thursday's Writer's Prompt.

Time for one of my favorite Memes ever! Mama Kat's writers prompt!

Today, I chose the prompt:
A List Of 10 Things You Should Never Ask Your Spouse.

10. Want a cookie?
(He probably wants a dozen. The only reason you shouldn't ask this question is because there's no need for it. You already know the answer.)

9. Should I wear lace tonight? Or flannel?
(Why waste time on this? If you don't mind him rubbing up against you, wear the lace. If you want to actually SLEEP at night, wear the flannel. Unless it's your anniversary or his birthday, or he just got a HUGE raise, he doesn't get an opinion.)

8. Wanna come to Zumba class with me?
(You could also insert such words as yoga, or aerobics, or cake decorating class or so on. If you want a man to zumba with you, you need to go to Brazil. American men are not, generally speaking, secure enough in their sexuality to admit that they have hips, let alone use them, pose for any period of time in such positions as "downward dog" with their butts up in the air, or any other number of things.)

7. Does this match?
(A guy, unless told otherwise, will wear stripes and plaid and polka dots all together if you let him. Unless he's gay, or unless he has memorized appropriate combinations either to the credit of you or his mother- or, in some cases, a careful sister. Even if your spouse has successfully memorized what not to wear, he probably doesn't think that the same rules apply to children. So don't let him dress your kids before picture day at school.)

6. What do you think of my haircut/color?
(Give him a break and ask your girl friends instead. He probably didn't even notice.)

5. What is that SMELL?!
(It's him.)

4.(Never ask him anything to do with color. Don't ask him if he prefers a certain color, don't ask him if the colors match, don't ask him to pick something up for you or a child that is a certain color, and don't ever trust him if he tells you "it's red" - it could end up being any varying shade of maroon, fuchsia, purple, or even orange.)

3. In trying to spark conversation, or even to express interest/something in common with any activity he is interested in, NEVER ask about the big game he just watched- or in MY case, never ask about A. Dungeons and Dragons, Chemistry, Biology, or Anthropology.
(Then again, go ahead. He has to listen to YOU talk for hours on end about such things as our periods, our weight, our children, our feelings, and whatever else we feel the need to express. Listening to his issues for awhile wouldn't kill us.)

2. Does this muumuu make me look fat?
(Yes. That muumuu would make Audrey Hepburn look fat, and SHE could go to a black tie affair dressed in a paper sack and no one would even notice. And really, lets be honest with ourselves. This is America. It doesn't matter what it is we're wearing, if we have to ask "does this make me look fat?" The answer is probably "Yes"- even if your guy isn't a complete dolt and has learned NOT to call you a Fajita the way Mama Kat's husband does.)


1. Never ask your spouse to help you think of things never to ask him (Or for help with brainstorming on any OTHER blog entry for that matter. It doesn't matter how much he makes you laugh in general, how smart he is, or how clever he could make your questions sound, once you ask, his mind will go blank and he'll stare at you and mutter "uh....hm...well...what do you mean by questions?" until you roll your eyes at him and do it yourself. At which point he'll happily forget about you and the chip on your shoulder while he plays alchemy and angry birds on his phone. And NO, for the record, it doesn't matter AT ALL how long you sit and listen and brainstorm with HIM about the next D&D campaign he'll be running and what he should do with it and what kind of character he should have, or implement above #3. You're SOL.)


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Link up over at Mama Kat's with YOUR prompt!

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19 comments:

Lacey said...

Should I wear lace tonight or flannel? My husband - the classy guy that he is - would say wear nothing. lol I just checked out Mama Kat's writing prompts, there are so many! I'll definitely try one out soon...maybe now.

Kim @ This Belle Rocks said...

I've got to agree with the color one most of all! My ex husband absolutely would not be dissuaded from choosing a living room paint color, and our compromise led us to a color that was almost lavender when we got it on the walls (much worse than it would have been to just go with his choice altogether). But yeah, my point was that they do NOT know color. They don't even know color enough to pick a color that is compromise compatible!

Here via Mama Kat's of course :)

Dominique Goh said...

My hubby too will be finishing all the cookies in the jar if ever I asked him if he wanted a cookie.. visiting from Mama Kat's

SnipeWife said...

Everyone of these is spot on! I need to remember them and just save myself a lot of time not banging my head against the wall. I like your background, BTW! Checking in from Mama Kat's...

SUPAHMAMA! said...

LOL, Zumba. My Husband will actually do Yoga with me. He tried Zumba on the Xbox with me but bailed after 5 minutes.

Arnebya said...

I'm giggling b/c #1 was where I was at 11 last night -- asking him what he hates for me to ask him. I had to choose another prompt because his responses were, well...no.

Carrie said...

LOL, if I ask my husband about the lace vs flannel he will definitely want lace lace lace. I never wear lingerie, I hate it :p

thanks for visiting my blog today

Babaloo said...

I laughed when I read about Zumba. My husband just says one day he is going to come record me doing zumba and post it online. So now I don't tell him when I'm getting my "Zumba" on.

Kim @ This Belle Rocks said...

Hello! I was just stopping by to return your visit from the Writer's Workshop prompts, but I already have one up there already, haha! (Maybe it didn't show up immediately? I have no clue.)

I almost chose this prompt, but figured it would be a downer - and it would have, with my spin on it.

Kim @ This Belle Rocks said...

P.S.: trying to find you on twitter and FB, but the link buttons in the sidebar didn't work for me. Do you network your blog over there or have a page to like?

hilljean said...

Hilarious! I was gonna do this one but it just kept getting dirty lol.

Cam | Bibs and Baubles said...

so true! I was gonna do this one but thought I might need my husband's help so I skipped it! LOL

Michael Ann said...

Enjoyed this so much and it is spot on! Love the "downward dog" reference. Just imagining it makes me LOL!

Amber @JadeLouise Designs said...

That is Hilarious! Great post!

See; for my husband it's not D&D (although we DO know all about D&D an I Sympathize with you) for us it is the Computer games such as WOW (world of Warcraft) or Star Wars the Old Republic (which doesn't even release until December..but he's already obsessed with it). /sigh.

I did however luck out with a husband who knows style! Or at least he did when we first got married. He used to help me pick out clothes that were VERY fashionable and cute and he'd help me color coordinate (as I was raised on a farm and none of these were staples I had learned). For some reason the more kids we got the more and more he seemed to lose this ability and now when I ask him "does this look good?" his response is "i don't know." /sigh...he's probably thinking about shooting an Orc. lol.
www.jadelouisedesigns.com

Amber @JadeLouise Designs said...

That is Hilarious! Great post!

See; for my husband it's not D&D (although we DO know all about D&D an I Sympathize with you) for us it is the Computer games such as WOW (world of Warcraft) or Star Wars the Old Republic (which doesn't even release until December..but he's already obsessed with it). /sigh.

I did however luck out with a husband who knows style! Or at least he did when we first got married. He used to help me pick out clothes that were VERY fashionable and cute and he'd help me color coordinate (as I was raised on a farm and none of these were staples I had learned). For some reason the more kids we got the more and more he seemed to lose this ability and now when I ask him "does this look good?" his response is "i don't know." /sigh...he's probably thinking about shooting an Orc. lol.
www.jadelouisedesigns.com

SisterSister said...

I went back to read some of your older post. I like your writing style I'll definately be back...and thanks for stopping by my blog to leave a comment :)

Kimberly said...

Love this! I can so agree with the cookie one. I know better than to even ask. The answer will always be yes!

And lace or flannel? Mine would say nothing. Classy, I know. ;)

joeh said...

All correct. I like that you admit it wouldn't hurt to listen to your man's day from time to time. My ex would yap and yap, but when I tried to talk aboit my day she totally zoned out.

Cranky Old Man

Just Another Mom of Twins said...

LMAO! "What's that SMELL" It's him. hahahahahahahaha!

Happy Friday!

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