Thursday's Writer's Prompt.

Time for one of my favorite Memes ever! Mama Kat's writers prompt!

Today, I chose the prompt:

A List Of 10 Things You Should Never Ask Your Spouse.

10. Want a cookie?

(He probably wants a dozen. The only reason you shouldn't ask this question is because there's no need for it. You already know the answer.)

9. Should I wear lace tonight? Or flannel?

(Why waste time on this? If you don't mind him rubbing up against you, wear the lace. If you want to actually SLEEP at night, wear the flannel. Unless it's your anniversary or his birthday, or he just got a HUGE raise, he doesn't get an opinion.)

8. Wanna come to Zumba class with me?

(You could also insert such words as yoga, or aerobics, or cake decorating class or so on. If you want a man to zumba with you, you need to go to Brazil. American men are not, generally speaking, secure enough in their sexuality to admit that they have hips, let alone use them, pose for any period of time in such positions as "downward dog" with their butts up in the air, or any other number of things.)

7. Does this match?

(A guy, unless told otherwise, will wear stripes and plaid and polka dots all together if you let him. Unless he's gay, or unless he has memorized appropriate combinations either to the credit of you or his mother- or, in some cases, a careful sister. Even if your spouse has successfully memorized what not to wear, he probably doesn't think that the same rules apply to children. So don't let him dress your kids before picture day at school.)

6. What do you think of my haircut/color?

(Give him a break and ask your girl friends instead. He probably didn't even notice.)

5. What is that SMELL?!

(It's him.)

4.(Never ask him anything to do with color. Don't ask him if he prefers a certain color, don't ask him if the colors match, don't ask him to pick something up for you or a child that is a certain color, and don't ever trust him if he tells you "it's red" - it could end up being any varying shade of maroon, fuchsia, purple, or even orange.)

3. In trying to spark conversation, or even to express interest/something in common with any activity he is interested in, NEVER ask about the big game he just watched- or in MY case, never ask about A. Dungeons and Dragons, Chemistry, Biology, or Anthropology.

(Then again, go ahead. He has to listen to YOU talk for hours on end about such things as our periods, our weight, our children, our feelings, and whatever else we feel the need to express. Listening to his issues for awhile wouldn't kill us.)

2. Does this muumuu make me look fat?

(Yes. That muumuu would make Audrey Hepburn look fat, and SHE could go to a black tie affair dressed in a paper sack and no one would even notice. And really, lets be honest with ourselves. This is America. It doesn't matter what it is we're wearing, if we have to ask "does this make me look fat?" The answer is probably "Yes"- even if your guy isn't a complete dolt and has learned NOT to call you a Fajita the way Mama Kat's husband does.)

1. Never ask your spouse to help you think of things never to ask him (Or for help with brainstorming on any OTHER blog entry for that matter. It doesn't matter how much he makes you laugh in general, how smart he is, or how clever he could make your questions sound, once you ask, his mind will go blank and he'll stare at you and mutter "uh....hm...well...what do you mean by questions?" until you roll your eyes at him and do it yourself. At which point he'll happily forget about you and the chip on your shoulder while he plays alchemy and angry birds on his phone. And NO, for the record, it doesn't matter AT ALL how long you sit and listen and brainstorm with HIM about the next D&D campaign he'll be running and what he should do with it and what kind of character he should have, or implement above #3. You're SOL.)

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Link up over at Mama Kat's with YOUR prompt!

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