Pavlovian Pee Sticks.

So, we're trying to conceive (TTC.) That's no secret.

It's a long hard process.
I had my IUD out in October, and now it's April. I am already the mother of three death-defying children, and beautiful, entertaining and nerve wracking as they are, I happen to want another (several more, in fact, though I'll happily take them one at a time. Or two. But PLEASE not three.)


For the last six months, it's been ovulation tests twice a day, and pregnancy tests every day from 5 days before my missed period until old Aunt Flow shows up, all perky and red and completely disappointing.


Lots of money.


Lots of effort.


Lots of pee.


It's gross, I know, but every woman who has ever TTC has done it.


Do you remember Ivan Pavlov? If you don't, I'm sure you'll remember him when I relate his story. Pavlov's dogs are probably the best known example of Classical Conditioning ever.


Essentially, Pavlov discovered that dogs salivated naturally when presented with food (unconditioned response). What ended up as a significant phsychological breakthrough was that every time he fed the dogs he would ring a bell, and over time, when the dogs would hear the bell, weather or not food accompanied the bell, they salivated. (Conditioned Response.)


In many ways, I have become one of Pavlov's dogs. I have peed on so many urine-test strips that now, when I walk down the Feminine Hygene isle at the grocery store, where all those test strips lean outward, promising hope and a posetive answer, I immediately have to pee like a race horse. Even if i just went.


Yes. I have been conditioned.


~Sigh~

wordless wednesday

Brag and blab

Well, not really- like I said, this week is going to be highly pressurized for me. LOL. I have a lot to do. BUT, I wanted to stop by here really quick and wish my lovely girl a happy birthday- so here's my brag and blab(Link up if you want)





Brag: It's my Lilly's birthday. LOVE HER!!! Happy birthday my darling girl! YOU are the one who first made me "mommy"

Oops- this one should have been first- but I"m too lazy to do any more cutting and pasting.

L to R

Grandmother, Me, Banba, Ammah and Grandma Chrissy.

Blab: While getting ready to make pink cupcakes for Lilly's birthday, I went to the cupboard and found that a FULL BOTTLE OF OIL had fallen on my floor, broken, and left a huge PUDDLE on the floor of my pantry. EW! It took me 2 hours to clean up! Gross! Thank goodness I don't have any matches. Even one unlit within 5 feet of my pantry would have started a major grease fire.

Saturday fantasies

Visit my 'other' blog (you know, the one where your suspicion that I'm a huge dork is solidified?) at www.thegossamerjewelbox.blogspot.com to read all about "tooth fairies" today.

Letters Of Intent

Dear readers and friends,

I have one week to get ready for an amazing Renaissance fair that I will be taking fantastical pictures at. Believe me, this will be such fun! Plus, it will benefit my sister in law's school. I am so excited, and I hope that this does wonderfully well. I hope we can earn money for the school as well as be successful in selling our products (Wings, hand made Elven rings, and Spoons for Scarlet) and making a lot of money. Hopefully, I'll have some great photo shop fodder as well, and I can post some pictures of some lovely little fairies. If anyone is interesting coming, please check here for some coupons to get great deals on my photography, my wings, and my rings.

The problem with this is that not only do I have a week to organize a whole bunch of stuff, I also have my Lilly's 5th birthday on Monday.

My point is, I'm under a lot of pressure. If it seems as though I have abandoned my blog, please know that I have not. If I seem to have disappeared, rest assured that there is no need for a search party. Leave me alone, and I'll come home...you know the rest.

Thanks a bunch,
Your Loyal Sidekick.

Just an addition to the music post

My dear friend and reader, Missy, pointed out that I had not mentioned any country on my post about music. Indeed, I love country!!!!

I grew up on country, and my first concert was Garth Brooks when I was 9- tie dyed shirt, denim mini skirt and red converse shoes with a purple cowgirl hat. Yeah. I was adorable. And I sang every song.

Some singers I love: Garth Brooks

Chris Ledoux

Johnny Cash

KT Tunstall

Brad Paisley

Raskall Flats

Taylor Swift

Some I can't stand:

Carrie Underwood

Dolly Parton

Faith Hill.

Some other types of music and artists that I didn't mention on my post but play regularly:

Celtic (including bagpipes, drinking songs, Loreena Mckinnett, Riverdance, and all kinds of instrumental celtic music.)

Opera- mainly Charlotte Church

Classical- Beethoven, Tchaikovsky, and, my personal favorite- Gershwin (Rhapsody in Blue is my favorite of all time. One day we will have a daughter with the name of Rhapsody after George Gershwin. Hooray for awesome classical music)

And then, there's my ever continuing theme song "Be Okay" by Ingrid Michaelson. I need this song. It fixes my day.

Just thought I'd clear some of that up. ~Wink~

Print one of these off and visit me for exquisite Fairy Pictures

Print a coupon for a great deal when you come to see me on May 1st at Lindon park in Lindon Utah and get your child's picture taken. Costumes and wings provided for the durration of the photo shoot. One coupon per family, please.

For more information on the fair itself, please visit: http://maeserpreppto.blogspot.com/ Oh! And for the record, I will only be able to accept cash. I do not have a way to accept a debit or credit card. Sorry, friends!!! I am not an official business.

Below are some examples of things I can do with my Photo Shop, like add lights that look like fairies, or soften the colors to make things look authentic- I can also super impose a person on a new background.

Also, most of the costumes you see in the pictures (particularly the ones on the children) are costumes that will be available to dress your child in for her/his pictures. (sorry- I haven't done too many boys.) I also have a large array of other things I can dress them in to get a fairy type feel.

Please email me with any questions: wings@shadeleaf.com

If Music Were a Man, I'd Be Sleeping With It.

Wordless Wednesday: (Pictures of me and Brandon taken June of '08 for a vintage calendar called "Better Than Cheesecake".)

( Pictures for the same calendar taken in October of '08- these are individual of me, though there were 8 other hot tamales involved as well, but I don't have their permission to post the pictures on my blog.)

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It's no secret that I have a romantic relationship with music.

It started in my early childhood. My mother always had the radio on, and to this day, without music in the background, i feel naked- like one of those awkward dreams where everyone you know sees you wearing nothing but a vintage apron, and they keep talking to you like there's nothing wrong, but you know you're naked and trying to cover yourself? Oh- am i the only one who has those?

The stuff I was raised on isn't necessarily my favorite music. My mom has a very strange idea of what is 'moral' and 'appropriate.' It's much different than my own idea. For example, once, I was in the house alone during a summer home from college. I took a shower with my music blasting while i sang along.

The music? The Me First and the Gimme Gimmies Broadway Mix. I mean, stuff like "Tomorrow" from Annie, and "The Phantom of the Opera" from it's obvious production. I believe there were also songs on it like "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and that song that Kermit sings all the time "Why are there so many songs about rainbows...the lovers, the dreamers and me...la la la la la la la...." you know the one.

My mom, who had come home while I was in the shower, told me when I got out that if I ever played it in her house again, I was welcome to leave.

Okay- the songs were punk covers. I was rocking out to them instead of swaying gently. Still, the lyrics were the same. She felt the same way about most of my college music, including Blink 182, Ataris, the Ramones, Green Day, and Weezer (which is still one of my favorites, and I think it's positively adorable when my 2 year old busts out singing "GIRL!!! If you're wondering if I want you to, I want you to....") to name just a select few.

No, the stuff I was raised on was general Country (which, I DO still like, by the way.) and stuff like Billy Joel (LOVE him! I have not heard a song by him that I am not smitten with. ), Harry Chapin, B.J. Thomas, and that ilk. I probably heard a whole lot of Air Supply (ew) and somewhere I picked up a smattering of Queen, though they were never anyone I sought out. Simon and Garfunkel were on the top of my mom's list too, and Scarborough Fair was the song I fell asleep to many a night. Nights In White Satin by the Moody Blues was the first real song I learned to play on the piano.

When i was 9, I found my mom's collection of Beatles cassette tapes while digging in boxes in the basement, and of course I fell in love immediately, which spurred me into several years of listening to oldies, wearing gauze and parting my hair down the middle. The oldies station I listened to covered much more than just the 60's, and I still swoon whenever I hear Frankie Vallie, and In The Still of the Night by the Five Satins is still one of the most romantic songs ever- unless I revert to my college punk ways for the day, and then it's a toss up between "So long Astoria" by the Ataris or "The Sand" by the Hippos. Then again, there's "Glory of Love" cover by Newfound Glory....but then you have to think about all the other genres, and...okay, I can't pick a favorite romantic song. So sue me.

My mom broke out the Rat Pack music around Christmas time, along with Harry Conick Jr., Bing Crosby and Nat King Cole. I don't remember WHEN exactly, but two more love affairs began shortly after I heard these.

Out of everything there is out there, while I will spend time simmering in my memories of college, and my carefree punk days, and revel in the juvenile romance and anger of that music, while I dig the Beatles, and occasionally throw on some oldies to hand jive to with my kids, the kind of music I regularly come back to, the music I drop all other tunes for, are Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra. And they fight over me constantly.

The thing is, my first love was Frank (yes, we are on a first name basis here.) When I was 15, and Brandon and I were just good friends, i gave him a Sinatra CD for his birthday. I knew he listened to a heck of a lot of Metallica and all kinds of random hair bands from the 80's but I had no clue, really, that he loved Frank as much as I did.

I once heard Frank be called a "glorified lounge singer" - but oh, he does it so WELL! Of course, while digging through the 1940's style Jazzy type genre at Graywhale (my regular go-to place whenever i wanted to just go somewhere.) I was introduced to others like Count Bassie, Cab Calloway, Glen Miller, Doris Day, Billie Holliday, Ella Fitzgerald (the best FEMALE voice of the time, in my honest opinion.) and Louis Armstrong.

Among the infinite list of new singers I found, Dean Martin stood out. Over the years, I have collected a very impressive and eclectic library of music, and Frank and Dean appear in nearly a third of it.

I spent the entire day yesterday being a good housewife and cleaned the whole house, did all the laundry, and slaved over a delicious pot roast dinner in preparation for my long-lost (literally) cousin to come to our house. Of course, lest I feel naked, I played an array of music all day, which, of course, included Ella, Frank, Louis and a few hours of Big Bad Voodoo Daddy's. When I put Dean on last (because, admittedly, he was what I wanted to be playing when my cousin came over. This wasn't our first meeting, but it was going to be the first impression he had of our home and family. For some reason, I felt like Dean needed to be involved.) I got a small prick of guilt that nagged at the edge of my mind and heart throughout the CD.

When I finally sat and thought about it, wondering exactly what it was I felt guilty about, I surprised myself.

I love Ol' Blue Eyes. Dearly. But I love Dean more. And I feel like I'm cheating on a lover.

Forgive me friends:

I've had a looooong couple of days. My brain is fried. I'm tired. I'm not writing much today.

So here's a question: Cats or dogs? Which is better? Why?

I prefer dogs.

1. Because I have the best dog there ever WAS, and

2. I have life threatening allergic reactions to cats. So, if I had one, I'd die.

3.Cats would eat their owners if the choice was that or starve while a dog would die with him/her.

4. Can you REALLY look at a cat, as they stare back with those unblinking eyes and honestly feel like they're NOT contemplating your murder? I think not.

Choose your destination:

Brag & Blab Monday MEME!! (PLEASE PARTICIPATE!!!)

NOT Me Monday

Not me monday

Lilly is NOT terrified of Barney now, due to this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=19NvyH2m2H8&NR=1

I most certainly do NOT let my children sit here and watch youtube videos semi-unsupervised while I hang up laundry or clean the bathroom. (Usually, though, I type "Sesame Street" into the search and they contentedly watch celebrities sing their silly songs with the Muppets.)

Lilly is NOT terrified to go to sleep for fear that "it" will come into her room at night.

It's rare that I feel the need to chew people out for their own idiot actions, but I do NOT want to slander their name all over youtube now, and report the video or something.

Brag and Blab

Hellooooooo, everyone! Happy Monday!!! Welcome to my Meme!!!

As always, I promise much comment love to all who participate! Want to know how???

1. Grab my B&BM button from my left top sidebar to link your blog back here to mine.

2. BRAG! Brag about something you did that is great. Brag about your hubby or your kids. This is your ultimate "na-na-na-na-na!" moment!
3. Blab- tell us what's bothering you. Complain. Whine. Show us what a downer you truly are! LOL!
4. Link up in the Mr. Linky provided, and comment here, and on the two blogs posted before you.

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My Brag: Brandon.

I often tease my husband by telling him that he is a trophy husband. All the girls wanted him. I got him. And I think every other woman on this planet got the short end of the stick. (na-na-na-na-na.)

Not only is my husband excessively handsome, he also treats me like a princess. He lets me sleep in every single time he is home for the day. He lets me take naps in the afternoon. He helps with house work, and he's an excellent father.

Brandon is an actor. He can do any accent you want him to, and fool people who are native to that country. (YAY for Charlie- his alter-ego who speaks with a cockney British accent. I swear, two of my three children are his.)



Let's hear it for the boy, friends. There's no man like my man.



My blab:

Lilly has a lump on the right side of her neck. We saw it on Sunday at church. It's the size of a pea and it moves around. I'm calling the doctor today, and I'm terrified for her. I hope it's not cancer. She had a little lump there when she was just a baby and always has- but I took her to the doc for that too, and they said it wasn't really anything, just a fat deposit or lymph nodes or something. But they were military doctors, so who knows. Lilly isn't ever terribly sick. She has had a cough and a stomach flu this winter, but nothing else. She isn't tired all the time, and she's very active. I'm so terrified that something awful might be happening to my very vibrant little girl. (and if anyone has any comforting words, I am SOOOO totally up for them.)

Sunday Sonnets- The One White Hair

In honor of my grandmother, who celebrated her 80th birthday with us last night. She never was so fair.

The One White Hair
by Walter Savage Landor

THE WISEST of the wise
Listen to pretty lies
And love to hear them told;
Doubt not that Solomon
Listen’d to many a one,—
Some in his youth, and more when he grew old.

I never was among
The choir of Wisdom’s song,
But pretty lies lov’d I
As much as any king,
When youth was on the wing,
And (must it then be told?) when youth had quite gone by.

Alas! and I have not
The pleasant hour forgot
When one pert lady said,
“O Walter! I am quite
Bewilder’d with affright!
I see (sit quiet now) a white hair on your head!”

Another more benign
Snipp’d it away from mine,
And in her own dark hair
Pretended it was found…
She leap’d, and twirl’d it round…
Fair as she was, she never was so fair!

Saturday Fantasies

For those of you who don't know, I'm kind of a geek. I like fairies. In fact, I'm rather obsessed with them.

Rather is a mild word.

I have an entire library full of Fairy lore, both ancient and modern, and I can usually tell you what kind of Christian holiday derived from a Pagan tradition faster than a witch can.

But, I am also writing my OWN book about fairies. I have my own world. And while it will incorporate many of the old tales, my own splash of imagination is thrown in, and the legends become real.

I have another blog that acts as my drawing board for this.

I'd love for you to visit.

I spent last year writing on it and the way it's written (first person as though I am a changeling and I see fairies every day) prevented me from having an outlet like this blog is- where I may write what I want, in truth, about my children, life, feelings. My other blog is pure fantasy.

Unfortunately, in my excitement to use up the space on this blog, and to write regularly, I have neglected my responsibilities there.

So for a new Saturday topic (since I get like 3 hits in total on this blog on Saturdays anyway) and to keep myself writing as I should if I ever want to get this book done, and to help my imagination stay fresh and young, my Saturday posts will always redirect you to my 'other' blog.

Really, if I do say so myself, it's wonderful. It is lighthearted and I think, insightful, for those who WANT to believe in fairies because they are just so dang addictive.

Please join me, and read back, because there are some wonderful pictures (photography mostly taken by me) and some excellent stories there. I'd love to hear what you think of it, either here or there.

Thank you.

http://www.thegossamerjewelbox.blogspot.com/

OH!!! And for the record- any of my readers who live in Utah and are interested in my photography, I will be holding a booth at a small renaissance faire in Lindon Utah (Lindon Park) on May 1st- I will be available to dress you or your children as fairies and take pictures, which, for an affordable price, I can bring them home, photo shop them to look even more fairy like, and send you the disk in the mail.

I'd love to see you there, and I just might have a discount for a reader who mentions my blog. *hint hint*

Feel Good Friday and Letters of Intent.

Feel Good Friday

(Hosted by http://www.thegirlnextdoorgrowsup.com/ )

Five Things That Are Making Me Feel Good

1. I am finally starting to get my strength back after having been sick for near 3 days. THAT is for REAL a feel-good thing.

2. My kids make me laugh every. single. day.

3. After 2 years in my 'new' house, I have finally made a friend who 1. Doesn't judge me. 2. Laughs at my jokes (read: sarcasm) 3. Seems to want more than just superficial conversation. HOORAY!!!

3. (May be a little TMI, but what the hay, it's my blog.) I went to the doctor yesterday morning because I am worried about it taking us so long to get pregnant, and my doctor seemed puzzled about it too. My exam showed that I am in perfect health- uterus, cervix and ovaries all in perfect condition, I am on my period NOW and there are no cysts, which means I'm ovulating. Sounds good! Doc told me to relax!!! He also said that's easier said than done. He knows. But that's the only advice he could give me. I'm just happy I'm healthy and that there's nothing wrong.

5. I LOVE the doctor and nurse I've been seeing. I have had 3 children, countless doctors (they were all born in different states) and even more nurses. I LOVED my doctor with my last baby, but this one is just as wonderful, and this nurse has done more to put my weary heart at ease than any other nurse I've ever met.

5. It's 70 degrees outside today. That is awesome, because my kids get to wear their cute new summer clothes, and I don't have to bother with jackets and sweaters and coats. Or shoes. They're all wearing slip ons. WONDERFUL!

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AND

Dear Uterus-

I think it's time we had another discussion....

-Don't make me come BACK in there.