Manic Motherhood at it's FINEST!!

Why "I am NOT a VOLCANO!"

Why "I am NOT a VOLCANO!"
click the volcano for the due explanation
"In all of living, have much fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured." — Gordon B. Hinckley
Exaggeration is the spice of life

Book I am Currently Reading: Peter and The Shadow Thief

Thursday, January 26, 2012

My Fitness Regimen. How To Make Motherhood Work For You.

How To Make Motherhood Work For You.
My Fitness Regimen. 

1. Eat Healthy Foods.
           This means I only eat things that are left over on my children's plates. If you are like me, and you find nutritional information confusing, let your kids figure it out for you. There is no one more adept at picking out everything delicious, creamy, flavorful, and therefore unhealthy, as a child. They're also extremely good at getting every last bit of it. leave it to your children. Trust their judgement.

2. Exercise.
           I really despise working out. I don't like to exercise. However, if you ask anyone who knows anything, they well tell you that the most important part of a cardio work out is keeping your heart rate up. Since I don't like to exercise, I have found  that the best way to do this is to hide things around the house that scare the crap out of me. For example: late bills, letters from my kids' schools that are due with signatures 3 days ago, doctor appointment notices that I didn't mark on the calendar, notices stating that my husband has a warrant out for his arrest that really are for another guy with the same name, phone calls from unidentified phone numbers, volunteering to take on far more responsibility than I know I can handle, and leaving that all over the place too. Some would call this stress. I call it a successful aerobic workout.

3. Portion Control
          No matter what I am eating, my children inevitably want it. They're like little birds this way. I have a sweet tooth, but, if I want to eat an entire candy bar on my own, I only really get 1/5 of it. I have to share equally with my four children, lest they fight over who had more or whether or not I am practicing what I preach- to share.  Another tactic is applied with meals. Since I have so many children, it is difficult to be able to sit down before my food is cold, due to having to cut things up, pick out the healthy foods (see #1) refill drinks, find the favorite fork, and so on. It's easier to stop eating half way through a meal when it's cold and lumpy instead of steaming and delicious.

4. Time For Myself
          Two or three times a day, I am able to put my children on time out. This means they either put their faces on the wall, or they spend time in their room, thinking about the problem. For these few minutes, I can curl up on the couch with a good book, or watch 3 minutes of tv. It's very relaxing and makes all the difference.

5. Let Loose and Dance
       I have an aspiring drummer (2 if you count Teague) and an aspiring guitarist in my house. Not to mention 2 girls who think they're Taylor Swift. On top of that, nearly every toy my kids have makes some kind of noise or plays some kind of tune. There's lots of...ahem..."music" in my house. Amid the drums banging and the flat chords on the guitar, mixed with lots of "MARRY ME JULIET, YOU NEVER HAVE TO BE ALONE!!!!!!", and horns honking from Teague's toy truck, I have to stop and do a little jig.

6. Get a Good Night's Sleep
        If you have children, I recommend a lock on your door, and a good set of ear plugs. And possibly even a couple of doses of benedryl- for the kiddies. I don't know what all these mothers mean when they say they're up all night with their babies. Sheesh, mine sleep like..well, like babies!

7. Get Out Of The House
         I am extremely good at this. I spend several hours a day outside my house, driving kids to school, lessons, and doing the grocery shopping. Sometimes, I even need to stop for gas! It's good to be out in the fresh air.

8. Connect With Other People
         Facebook makes this a very simple feat.

9. Do Something Physically Active
         Believe it or not, this is different from exercise, and cardio work out. When I'm not taking care of #7 on this list, I am climbing several flights of stairs several times a day, rotating laundry, vacuuming and doing toe touches...well, picking up toys and putting them away is almost the same motion anyway. I'm pretty sure, too, that scrubbing toilets with that brush gets me some physical activity points too.

10. Establish A Relationship With A Doctor You Trust
       
         This guy's got me covered.

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Disclaimer- Absolutely NONE of this is true. (Well...most of it's not) You should laugh, because it's supposed to be funny, rather than take offense. Fair warning.

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6 comments:

Andrea K. H. Agüin said...

May I be the first to say...You're hilarious. I actually opened this feeling very skeptical and wondering what on earth you were were going to preach to us all about your wonderfully healthy life. I'm sorry. That was silly of me. Hehehe. Every word of this is absolute gospel.
Andrea from thisrednecklife.blogspot.com

Gumdrop Pass said...

Gaahaha. This was hilarious -- and I couldn't agree more. If I did these, I'm sure I'd be super thin :)

I came to stumble you from the Super Sunday Stumble -- and I love what you wrote so much, I'm now following you!

Have a good Sunday night :)

Jacqueline said...

That's a sound fitness regimen! I think I am going to adopt it!!

Ashlee C said...

Oh my gosh, this was hilarious! I clicked on it thinking, "Yeah, I really need to start getting healthier, I should read this one." I'm glad I did! It makes me realize that I really don't just sit around all day doing nothing. :) I don't have 4 kids, but 3 still keep things interesting! It helps to keep high spirits during the craziness to keep a good sense of humor!

Susan Peck said...

If I had done this I would be so thin...great post!!

Pam Allen said...

Thanks for the giggle!!! I love your blog! Plus all the giveaways! :)

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