"I am NOT a VOLCANO!" (and other such stories.)

Hey, friends!!! Don't forget to join me Monday for my new Meme- Brag & Blab Monday!

First- Brag about something wonderful!

Second- Blab about something that's not so wonderful. Dish the dirt!

I promise comments to everyone who joins me!!!

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So, here I am, sitting in a hotel room, free wi-fi, television, quiet, naps, and a dinner tonight with some of Brandon's friends from the reserve.

I love my children more than anything. I could go on and on about each one in turn about how wonderful they are. How smart they are, how beautiful they are, and how kind they are.

I could also go on and on about how much they fight, how they're always in my face, and how they mess everything up. (Honestly- if I could figure out how to get myself into the pattern that I follow them around and pick up after them, that'd be great. As of now, they follow me around and mess up whatever it was that I just cleaned.)

Earlier this week, I mentioned how I would love just a day or two to sit by myself and to sleep and to write and to watch television, and just relax.

In response, Brandon said how wonderful it would be for him to just be able to stay home for several days and just BE with his kids, and to play with them.

Unfortunately, Brandon has neither the time nor means to have his wish right now. Between school, work and church, there's just no time, and all of those things are so important, it's not an option to take it off.

This weekend, though, is Brandon's last weekend in the reserve. They're having a dinner for him tonight, and I was invited. My in laws took my kids for the weekend, and I get to come with Brandon. Of course, that means that all day today I have to stay in this hotel with my trusty little net book and the television to keep me company.

I am SO not complaining.

The problem is, I thought that a weekend alone would be sooo wonderful, and relaxing. I was going to write a weeks worth of blogs, and be that far ahead. I was going to sleep in. I was going to get some good nookie. I was going to take a nap, a long shower, and not even think about kids.

Some problems here:

Last night, I fell asleep early while Brandon was finishing his homework online, which was due at midnight.

I woke up this morning at 7:30 (just the same time my kids usually rouse me out of my warm, cushy bed.)

I have only written a half of a blog (this one) and I've spent the rest of the time watching movies on television, and playing on Blog Frog.

The worst thing is that it's not relaxing. It's amazing how my stresses follow me, even when I'm out of them. I'm not relaxed, I'm not calm. In fact, I feel like hyperventilating. Passing out might feel really good.

Even more, I miss my kids.

I want my son to come and climb in my lap during Scarlet's nap time. I want to hear him call a jawbreaker an 'artichoke' and refer to his dad as "Batman" or "Obi Wan Kenobi." I want Lilly to talk to me like she's the same age as I am, like it's perfectly natural for a 4 year old to converse like and adult. I wanna kiss my Scarlet's fat little cheeks, wipe her boogey-nose and laugh at her buck teeth.

I'll even take the fighting and milk spilled on the floor.

But I have to give them these two days. It's good for them. Grandparents are important. And this, being here, and realizing that I'd rather have them be the bane of my clean house forever than to lose them for an hour is good for me too.

I am going to have to force myself to remember daily that it's no use crying over spilled milk. My kids need to laugh more. And I need to be cranky less.

In the mean time, at least I still have time for a shower and a nap.