Feel Good Friday, Letters Of Intent, and Dear So-and-so.

I know! I've been gone and haven't participated and my sitemeter has gone down from several hundred visits on average per day to around 30 per day- so whatever brilliant blogger told me that it was okay to take time off if you needed it, and that your followers would be waiting and watching patiently for your return didn't know what she was talking about. I've only been skipping a single post here and there for 2 weeks and MAN, my blog is suffering.

**Side note- for those who are thinking of becoming an ex follower, please don't. I've lost ever so many lately, due to heaven knows what- I sincerely hope that I didn't offend anyone- but I don't think you understand the major hit my self esteem takes when I see that my followers have dwindled. So keep following...or I'll hunt you down. ~Tries for a very very serious look~

Feel Good Friday-

Well, as many of you know, I helped out with a booth at a ren faire last Saturday (please see my wordless Wednesday for pics of my son in his kilt! So epically cute!) Of course, with the extremely depressing weather, I did awful, and didn't make any money at all!

However, I'm very excited because I have friends who have made appointments for me to take pictures of their lovely little girls as fairies for 30 bucks a sitting. (If you're in Utah and you're interested, send me a message!) This is very good news for me! It gives me both a little extra money as well as new models. I'm so excited about this, and I know that while many will read this and think it's soooo out of the ordinary 'Feel Good Friday" realm, it's just one of the things that has me happy lately.

Speaking of fairies, I want to share with you my latest capture- a little flower fairy- (flower fairies are a branch of the Dryad family and are bound in life and spirit to their flowers- more on this subject for Saturday at http://www.thegossamerjewelbox.blogspot.com/ ) This one happens to be an apple blossom fairy. Can you spot her?

Also, Miss Scarlet Serafina Estelle has potty trained her own little butt. And I had nothing to do with it. I mean, besides putting her on the potty when she said "Haffa go baffoom!" YAY for independent kids and no more diapers! That being said, there is still the occasional wet mess. But it's only occasional. And she's doing so well! When she has gone an entire 2 weeks without a single accident, she gets to have her ears pierced. She changes her mind every day about the color of earrings she wants, but hey, she's into it.

Dear Readers-

Beware- some of this is TMI. If you're tired of reading my letters to my body about how it's failing me by failing to conceive, then maybe you'd better move on. But I'd prefer you stay and savor all the disgusting, dirty details with me. So fun, isn't it? To talk about our grown, hormonal bodies as though they were something perfectly blase, like the weather, or a Friday, or cheese? How lovely to be able to discuss the texture, color, and amount of cervical mucus we have, because, after all, it's something all women have in common...right?

~Sincerely, Not for the Faint of Heart.

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Dear Head-

I am tired of feeling dizzy. I am tired of the almost- black outs, even after having eaten a good breakfast. The only other time this has ever happened to me was when I was anemic during pregnancy. Let that be a warning to you that this had better be what it is. Yes, I'm taking vitamins...but they're kids gummy vitamins as prenatals make me sick. So I'll start taking iron, you help me out by being a positive sign. Kay? Kay.

~Signed, Dizzy.

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Dear Neck-

It would be so spectacularly awesome if you would stop hurting today. I KNOW we had a really terrible time sleeping last night and that we were cold and then hot and then cold and hot again, and that Scarlet cried 'cause she had to pee, and we had to wake Brandon and kick him out of bed when Mahone had to pee- but considering the fact that we're already exhausted, Head isn't helping, and we still have the rest of the day to face, don't you think you could cut me some slack today?

Thanks- Needs a Massage

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Dear Boobs-

Yeah- you overgrown lumps of fat, you. You're still sore. Still. usually, by this point in my cycle, the tenderness is usually long gone by now. I mean, it's not like you're unbearable- just noticeable. Noticeable enough to make me depressingly optimistic. Don't disappoint this time.

~Cross My Heart

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Dear Sciatic Nerve in my lower back-

Okay, well, I might really be over thinking this because it's never ever taken me this long to get pregnant and back in the day, when I used to get knocked up really easily, I wasn't aware that there really were other symptoms aside from morning sickness, which never kicks in for me until around week 6 or 7 or even 8.

Oh, ignorance really is bliss. Anyway, the girls over at BBC are telling me that lower back pain is a possible early sign of pregnancy. Well, I dearly hope so, because, just like later in my pregnancies when sciatica kicks in, I kind of feel like sticking a fork in there, and, much like Chef Louis does to the fish he is cooking on "The Little Mermaid", I want to put so much pressure on the fork that it bends and then spontaneously flings the nerve out into nowhere whilst straightening like some sort of trebuchet. (See video below at about :35 seconds)

Yes, my friend Sciatica. Cool it. Or you'll be dinner. (or, even if you don't, I'll settle for positive energy toward my baby making machine.)

Much love- the Chef

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Dear Baby Making Machine: (AkA Uterus)

I cannot believe you are making me write to you AGAIN. Really? What is it, exactly, that you are not understanding. I'm impatient. I'm terrible at waiting. I want a baby and I want one now. So shape it up. The doc says you're perfect and look rather like you've never even housed a child, which, BTW, he said is a GOOD thing. It means you're young and fertile. So show me some fertility!!!

Love- I suppose saying "don't make me come in there" has lost it's flavor by now? How about this: You're about to get Pink Slipped.

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Dear Ovaries:

I know you ovulated. Good job. At least someone around here is pulling their weight. I mean 2 days of pain is a small price to pay to know that there's a blessed spherical object soon to float down my fallopian tubes. 5 days of positive ovulation tests and a weeks worth of egg white cervical mucus confirmed my suspicions.

Keep up the good work.

Sincerely- I feel like a boss right now.

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Dear Egg:

IMPLANT IMPLANT IMPLANT!!!!!

Signed- Sunny side up, Please- No more Scrambled.

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Dear Brandon's Boys-

Swim straight and take your first left. Not that hard.

Signed: It's not me, it's you.

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Dear Body as a collective single entity:

WE (Brandon and I) did it right. Did YOU?

Feel Good Friday and Letters of Intent.

Feel Good Friday

(Hosted by http://www.thegirlnextdoorgrowsup.com/ )

Five Things That Are Making Me Feel Good

1. I am finally starting to get my strength back after having been sick for near 3 days. THAT is for REAL a feel-good thing.

2. My kids make me laugh every. single. day.

3. After 2 years in my 'new' house, I have finally made a friend who 1. Doesn't judge me. 2. Laughs at my jokes (read: sarcasm) 3. Seems to want more than just superficial conversation. HOORAY!!!

3. (May be a little TMI, but what the hay, it's my blog.) I went to the doctor yesterday morning because I am worried about it taking us so long to get pregnant, and my doctor seemed puzzled about it too. My exam showed that I am in perfect health- uterus, cervix and ovaries all in perfect condition, I am on my period NOW and there are no cysts, which means I'm ovulating. Sounds good! Doc told me to relax!!! He also said that's easier said than done. He knows. But that's the only advice he could give me. I'm just happy I'm healthy and that there's nothing wrong.

5. I LOVE the doctor and nurse I've been seeing. I have had 3 children, countless doctors (they were all born in different states) and even more nurses. I LOVED my doctor with my last baby, but this one is just as wonderful, and this nurse has done more to put my weary heart at ease than any other nurse I've ever met.

5. It's 70 degrees outside today. That is awesome, because my kids get to wear their cute new summer clothes, and I don't have to bother with jackets and sweaters and coats. Or shoes. They're all wearing slip ons. WONDERFUL!

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AND

Dear Uterus-

I think it's time we had another discussion....

-Don't make me come BACK in there.

Ready to Face it.

So this is my third month blogging here.

I think I've done pretty well. I have regular readers, and I have found some blogs I love to read. I've even made some pretty lasting friends. Furthermore, I have almost 200 followers, and have consistently held a place in the top 12 Stay-at-home blogs on Top Mommy Blogs (vote for me by clicking the button on my top left sidebar.) I have also won several great awards!

So, I have been thinking. Every day, since I began blogging, and got into this bloggy world, and started promoting my blog on all kinds of blogging communities, I have found the wonderful connection that Memes can be.

And I have had a Meme for every single day of the week almost.

Well, I'm done with those. Well, not really- because I like them. I think some of them are fun, and provoke my creativity. Others are hilarious and i love being able to read other people's versions. I also like the publicity they bring my blog.

However, I am ready to stand on my own two feet. I started this blog so that I could be blatant and up front with my feelings, my life my children, my everything. Tabula Rasa- blank page, ready to be scrawled upon, clean and crisp and cool with it's emptiness, ready to be filled full of fire and emotion. So far, I've done nothing but hide behind the Memes. Well, I'm standing here, ready to face it all.

First things first: Honesty.

A week and a half ago, my mom gave me some very sound advice. "Just don't say anything."

On the 10th of March, I announced my fourth pregnancy in a series of pictures for my Meme "wordless Wednesday"

On Friday, I started my period, and the day ended in sobs as I believed I had miscarried my child. Further research was done, and I learned that what I was experiencing was called a Chemical Pregnancy- where the egg is fertilized, but it fails to implant. It isn't a miscarriage at all, technically. It didn't make it any easier, and I mourned bitterly.

Well, I belong to a December birth club, all of us trying to conceive a child that would be due in December. By accident, I found out today, through a few of the women who seem like experts on conceiving children (one is a nurse at a fertility clinic and is trying to conceive her 5th child), that the blue dye tests give regular false positives- that even the occasional male can gain a positive test from using a blue dye test.

Of course I was shocked. They told me that since I started my period on the expected date, I was likely never pregnant at all, which includes the exclusion of a Chemical pregnancy.

So of course, I'm really relieved. No miscarriage. But still, I am discouraged. No baby.

A week and a half ago, my mom's advice was sound, and correct. I was not yet ready to tell anyone that i was not pregnant. I was not ready to talk about it because when I even THOUGHT about it, I bawled. I was not ready for the forced sympathy or the comments, particularly comments like "Well, you have three children already, just be happy with that." which, yes, I have received.

So i have only told the occasional person, who noticed my mood, who knew me well enough to know that i was not okay, that something was wrong.

Yesterday, when we came home from a day with my mom, I went to bed at 7 while Brandon put the kids to bed, because I was so exhausted i couldn't see straight. I slept until 7:30 in the morning before I woke to my children. I didn't hear my children going to bed or waking in the night. (I hope to high heaven that if they DID wake, Brandon heard them, because usually I am the one who hears them and gets up- unless i wake HIM up and kick him out of bed.) I didn't hear Brandon get into bed, and only stirred a little when he got OUT of bed at 5:30. When I woke up at 7:30, I still could have used 5 more hours.

I'm so absent minded sometimes. I thought nothing of it, because I have mourned my lost or false pregnancy, and I'm on to trying again. This morning, I posted on my face book about sleeping so long, and got over 15 responses about how I'm pregnant, it's to be expected.

Well, I'm not. i was just tired. So there it is, I'm not knocked up. But crossing my fingers for a December baby.

I have to say, though, that i do enjoy my current birth board. Hopefully I can stay instead of moving on to January. But i have to say that I find it pretty interesting how forward women can be on those boards.

I mean, I've been talking to my girlfriends about sex since, well, like the seventh grade, but even now it's joking and giggly when we get all giddy about our husbands or boyfriends. I'm very thankful, though, a little stunned that I can be so forward with women i don't know about such things as sperm, vaginas, ovulation, cervical mucus and sex. It's not a giggly girly thing. It's biology. We're all connected in a pretty intimate way. we're all trying to have a baby.

Feel Good Friday and Letters of intent

http://www.thegirlnextdoorgrowsup.com/

(And if you're here for my letters of intent or Dear So and so, just scroll down. You'll reach it eventually!)

So welcome to Feel Good Friday- where I have the opportunity to talk about some of the things that are making me feel good. Usually, I use the first prompt and make a list of 5 things that I'm happy about. But today, I'm going to do a different prompt and write about something that I love dearly and that always makes me happy.

Ever since I was young, I have collected charms. My mother collects charms too, and has many many bracelets, some of which are not her own, but were purchased at antique stores. I have also started charm bracelets for my daughters, and a pin collection for my son, as charms are kind of feminine.

My charms are nearly all from my life experiences, if they were gifts, trips, or just purchased. They almost all have something to do with me. I have over 70 of them, and have had at the very least 15 fall off and be lost forever. When I was about 10, I wore a bracelet somewhere, and lost that one too. It had over 20 charms on it. I still mourn it's loss. Two of the charms were one-of-a-kind.

As I have so many, I won't talk about all of them, though every single one DOES have a story. But I'll show you a good many that mean something to me.

(These are in no particular order, as I don't really keep them in order on my bracelet. It's just wherever there happens to be room.)

This SUN was given to me by my husband on the day I gave birth to our SON, Mahone.

My mom and dad gave me this charm as a gift after I was in a musical at my high school. The pacifier represents Lilly's birth.


In high school, I was on an Irish Step Dance performing team. The gillies are correct (middle) they're the Irish soft shoe, but the dancer is actually a Scottish Highland dancer- I didn't do that. Still, she's pretty and unique. I bought the shoes after a performance at a Scottish festival, and my mom gave me the dancer. The goblet was also given to me by my mom because I went to ren faires a lot, and she thought it suited.

The little diamond girl represents my youngest (at the moment) daughter Scarlet. The knight in shining armor-well, I was a real romantic back in the day. He was handsom at the mall kiosk...so I bought him. The guy in the middle is actually an LDS missionary. My mom (she bought me a lot of these, you will see.) sent him to me in college, because most of my friends in high school were boys who, instead of going straight to college went on LDS missions. At one point, I was writing to 12 of them. So, he represents them all.

Obviously, from my parents on Graduation day. And the key is an antique charm I bought at a flea market because I also collect keys. 12 of the charms on this bracelet are keys of some sort.

My husband bought me the moon when we were dating, and I bought the cards when we were in vegas, after we were married just before we found out we were expecting Lilly. My first real boyfriend bought me the dice because we used to play Dungeons and Dragons (okay...I still DO play. But not with him anymore.) Though they would be more appropriate if they were 20 sided.

This may be one of my favorites. When I was pregnant with Scarlet, we lived in Alabama. For Christmas, we took our kids, Lilly- then 2 and Mahone, then 17 months to Disneyworld and met my parents and my brothers and sister there. I bought this CInderella's castle there. Isn't it breathtaking? It was expensive too. Platinum. My WHOLE souvenier allowance. LOL.

Yes- from my parents when I turned 16. In Utah. LOL .

ANother of my favorites. This charm was purchased in Disneyland when I was pregnant with Lilly. Brandon had gone off to Boot Camp for the Air Force in Texas and my mom had whisked me away with our family and some good family friends to Disneyland.

The Statue of Liberty. I bought her at the store on Liberty Island where the statue stands. Brandon's first station was at McGuire AFB in New Jersey and my Sister In Law came to see us for her birthday. We took her to New York. I was pregnant with Mahone.

Camera, phone...both from my mom.

The bell was a gift for Christmas one year, and the palm trees were purchased in Jamaica on my honeymoon. Yes, the little sign says "calif." but our plane was leaving and I didn't really think about it until after the fact. Oh well. It's a story to tell. The little boat under the bell is a charm Brandon bought me from Maryland when he was on a TDY (temporary duty) there.

Brandon bought me the dog, because I wanted a dog, but our first apartment didn't allow pets. I bought the armadillo in texas when I went to see him graduate from Boot Camp while still pregnant with Lilly.

I got to visit Texas again when we drove back to Utah after I had Scarlet from our second Station in Alabama. We stopped to visit our best friends and I bought this there.

COmputer, heart, cowgirl...I think the boot is actually Lilly's...it's also from Texas.

Dear My Uterus,
I see you have received my last letter with grace. And gracefully, I am here to encourage your journey over the next 9 months. I imagine you pink and plush inside, full and fertile like a mother should be. Cradle my precious baby, please, until i can cradle the little thing his/herself.

Sincerely,
Dearly Thankful

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Dear Baby,
You must always know that you are very severely wanted. Not just by me, your mother, your grail, but a numberless slew of people who envision you in their mind's eye already. Your oldest sister will be your biggest fan, as she is already practicing changing diapers on your other older sister. Your brother will be your protector. He is our Superman, and he hopes that you will be a boy so that he will have a Batman to run around with. And our Scarlet- well, she will have well meaning intentions, but I will have to protect you from her curious fingers and teeth, and keep you out of the way of her chronically tripping feet.
Hang on sweet baby. Cling to me, and stay with me. I want you. Always.
Affectionately,Your mommy.

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And for some comic relief before my over active emotions get the best of me and I short out my little laptop with the weight of my many exaggerated tears....

Dear Vacuum,
I hate you.
You advertised yourself as a vacuum meant specifically for shedding pets. "Up to 3 animals!" the box shouted, letters inflamed in in a spiky cloud as though it were a comic book. You boasted pictures of two long haired cats, and an English Sheep Dog.
So, why is it that, from the first day I vacuumed, I have had to unclog the tube every single time I vacuum a room? Not every time I vacuum my HOUSE, but every time I vacuum a ROOM? And I'm not talking things like wads of toilet paper, or marbles, or a pair of underwear (Which my last vacuum survived) or one of Brandon's ties (which is what ultimately ruined our last vacuum and made us purchase you.) I'm talking dog hair.
Now let me tell you a little about us. I am a little bit obsessive. I'm not obsessive COMPULSIVE. My house isn't spotless or sterile, but I am a little bit of a freak about it being clean. Particularly the carpets because I have 3 (4) small children who play on said carpets. I also have a 2 year old who, apparently, has not outgrown the oral stage. she puts everything in her mouth. So, needless to say, I vacuum most of my house almost every day.
We also have a dog. ONE dog. He is a Brittany Spaniel, and he sheds. His hair is medium length and his shedding is very minimal.
So, comparing our lifestyle: I vacuum every day, and we only have ONE dog (which implies very little hair when it's cleaned up every day)
to your advertisement: "For up to 3 animals!" surrounded by two cats and a dog (which implies a HECK of a lot of hair, especially if you're like most of the world and you vacuum once, twice, maybe 3 times a week as opposed to every day.) well, it kind of gives me the feeling that you are a lying sack of goat cheese.
Well, I take that back. You don't have a sack. You're one of those awesome kinds with the little clear tube that unlocks and you just dump it into the garbage.
Oh right! I don't do that...because it's rare that anything makes it there, due to your inability to suck dog hair all the way through your blessedly transparent tube ('cause at least I can SEE where the clog is), or any of the three places that tubes connect to filters, 'bag', or the spinney brush thingy underneath the vacuum where it sucks stuff up.

The company said on the phone that I either have too many pets, my dog has too much hair, or I should vacuum more often. ~Wry look~

So, please, because I mean this in the nicest possible way, don't be offended when i say: You don't suck.
May I suggest a disclaimer: "Works best with hairless animals and those that don't shed!"

Cordially,.......I have no clever alias, I'm so ticked.

Wordless Wednesday: What do these pictures have in common?

Baby Blue

Baby Ruth


Baby Proof

Baby Dill

Baby Doll

Baby Carrots

Baby Boom.
(November 19, 2010)

Feel Good Friday
(Link up. You know you want to.)

UGH! I have kind of been dreading this post all week long. Because I don't feel good. No one in my house has felt good for quite some time now. Nothing 'happy' has happened to us, and frankly, I'm really getting bored of crap, financial surprises (the bad kind), cars breaking down, children entering the terrible twos, sicknesses (2 kids with croup, 1 kid with an ear infection, 1 kid with strep throat, 1 kid with the stomach flu, and me with cramps.), and other maladies that I just don't care to list because I'm bored, lazy and cynical.

So here's my half-assed (OMG, did you just read my SWEAR word? Well, that's about how I feel right now.) attempt at finding some good in this dreary gray world.

1. It's Friday. That means we get to have our 'special night' where we eat a special treat, and watch a new movie as a family. SO FUN!

2. Our pretend money for doing chores and store full of toys and treats thing seems to be working.

3. Finally got our taxes done. (Not getting back as much as I hoped, but at least we don't owe.)

4.I might get to go to a Casual Blogger's Conference in May!

5. I bought 3 pregnancy tests for only 4 dollars. (Lets hope they work this time.)

Dear My Uterus,

Let us start out by saying 'GOOD JOB'. You have housed, nurtured and birthed three beautiful, perfect, healthy and naked, wriggling little creatures without a single hitch. No problems. No pressure. Just smooth sailing. You are feminine, you are strong, and you have everything going for you.

So what's the deal? I mean, it's not like you're old or anything. You're only 27. It's not like you're a vast, dried up and shriveled old cavern full of cobwebs hanging from every corner. You're young! You're vital! You're in great shape, and the doc says that everything is normal and good! So what's wrong with you?

Buck up, honey. I need a baby, and I need one soon! (I already bought summer clothes back in December, when I'd already been trying for three months and just KNEW I'd be pregnant in the sweltering heat of a Utah summer.)

C'mon. We're old friends, right? Attached at the hip? Where I go, you go? So be a pal. Let go of your hostility over that old birth control and just bring back that lovin' feeling.

Thanks, much!
Signed

Don't Make Me Come In There.

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