"When things calm down, I'll....." (Sunday Epiphanies)

I have a dirty little secret. Wanna hear it? I'm about to tell you.

Sometimes, I  imagine how it will be when I shut the door behind my youngest child as he or she goes off to college, or moves to their own apartment after getting married or whatnot, and turning around to look at my empty house- a house that will stay clean because, at least not on a regular basis, a child will not come in and drop backpacks, toys or clothing at any given area throughout the house. No one will drop food on the floor, or leave the refrigerator door standing open.

Also, I will not have to scream at them to hurry and put their shoes on, because, once again, we're late! I will not  be scrambling to put together my primary lesson on Sunday morning because the night before was spent holding and pacing with  a sick child.

My weeks will not include early morning trips to the school, before the sun comes up, to take the kids to their twice a week choir practices. I will not have to schedule, write down, remember, and avoid double booking important things such as dental appointments, well child checks, parent teacher conferences, birthday parties, or family gatherings, intermingled with church functions, family reunions along with my OWN appointments.

Maybe I'll be healthier. Fewer people spreading fewer germs through my home.

Maybe I will sleep in. I'm not sure I remember anymore what it feels like to NOT be tired.

Perhaps I will eat better. It's difficult to resist having a corn dog for lunch when my children do.

Laundry will only need to be done once a week.

I will take long, hot showers and go to the bathroom without little heads peeking in.

I will have time to actually READ a book rather than listen to them on Audio.

Maybe I'll even pursue my dream of becoming an actress.

Right now, though, I sit staring at my Christmas tree- pretty, but terribly mismatched with all my kid's yearly ornaments, and think about the last few weeks, and the weeks to come: illness, financial issues, sweater orders to be fulfilled, and SOON! - funerals. Weddings. Photography. Blog posts, giveaways, 3 loads of laundry per day, choir practice, choir performance, Forgotten Carols this Monday, grocery shopping. Coats, hats, gloves, snow. The chip in the windshield that needs to be fixed before it cracks. The tires need to be changed and alignment adjusted. Homework, reading 20 minutes per day PER CHILD. Checking off reading folders, letting them do their computer homework, what to get  the kid's teachers for Christmas, what to get the neighbors for Christmas.... I wake at 6am and go to bed at midnight or later. I go, go, go.

And I need to be better about things. I need to pray, and read more scriptures. I need time to myself. I need a break. And I need to be light hearted more often. The problem is, I keep telling myself that this will happen when "thing calm down...." - and I am slowly coming to realize that they never will. There's always SOMETHING else. And I must learn to roll with the punches. To laugh in the face of adversity, to enjoy the hurry, learn to work well under pressure, and never let it get me down.

Two weeks ago, my son hopped out of the van to run into school, and through his brightly grinning face, cheeks and nose red with cold he said "Have a good day mom! You never have one!" And then, with a wave of his mittened hand,  he slammed the door and trotted off to have his full day of  "when I'm bigger I'll....".

What a wakeup call! I need more good days. And that's about my attitude. NOT what happens in my day, calm or chaos.



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